LESS A CLUB, MORE A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
What left is there to say about Lionel Messi? Commonly regarded as the second-best player in the Spanish league between 2009 and 2018, the popular 2019 Big Cup semi-finalist has also forged a half-decent international career, albeit a demonstrably less successful one than the likes of, say, two-time Copa América winner Gary Medel, for example, or the members of Portugal’s Euro 2016 squad. But we digress. This guy’s good!
Now we can add barrack-room lawyer to the list of his many talents. On Tuesday Messi had his say on the current political uncertainty at Camp Nou, a state of tumult caused by the bungled sacking of manager Ernesto Valverde, the inept pursuit of Xavi, the half-ars€d appointment of whoever happened to be standing nearby with nothing much else to do, and the club’s thundering sense of entitlement. You see, Valverde had only won two of the last two La Liga titles, and this somehow undermined his standing in a dressing room full of players with such an unwavering commitment to the pursuit of excellence they can only be knocked off course by Scottish full-backs cuffing them gently on the lug, causing the t1tty lip to pop out and quiver for 82 minutes.
Where were we? Ah yes. So Barça sporting director Eric Abidal gave an interview claiming the players had effectively downed tools under Valverde, causing jets of steam to parp from the ears already warmed last May by Andy Robertson. “I think that when players are talked about, names should be given,” Messi raged on InstaTok. “If not, we are all being dirtied and it feeds comments that are made and are not true.” Gauntlet down, the world, or at least several navel-gazers in Catalonia, waits for Abidal’s response. A fair chance that it’ll come in resignation form, too. After all, when Messi is involved, there’s only ever one winner. Not counting Copa América finals, obviously, or running battles with former Queen’s Park defenders.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
2 February: “Brescia football club, in the person of its president Massimo Cellino, categorically deny the allegations that have appeared in some of the press regarding a possible and imminent change of technical leadership” – the Serie A club insist they are not planning to sack manager Eugenio Corini for a second time this season.
5 February: “The club thanks Mister Corini and all his staff for their professionalism, dedication and effort” – Brescia sack manager Eugenio Corini for a second time this season. Come on, Nasty Leeds fans, you miss all this really.
![Corini during [checks notes] his first spell as manager this season.](https://media.guim.co.uk/49383965f069debcceaa9b0911fa9c88dcf61c3a/0_0_4823_3185/1000.jpg)
FIVER LETTERS
“If they’re handing out compensation because a player didn’t end up playing (yesterdays Bits and Bobs), fans of Andy Carroll are in for a life-changing windfall” – Daniel Doody.
“Nice to see West Ham planning to expand the seating at the London Stadium (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). The Irons clearly feel their long-suffering haven’t had enough tiers” – Mark McFadden.
“In the 2008 Doctor Who two-parter The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky, actual Bernard Cribbins helps the Doctor defeat an evil plot by unsavoury beings, who are hell-bent on filling the Earth’s atmosphere with toxic fumes from car exhausts. Does Uncle Fiver know of any modern parallels in football-land?” – Simon Mazier.
“Re: pre-match music (Fiver letters passim). Back in ye 1980s, Motherwell had a tie-up with some health charity, with ‘Keep Cigarettes Away from the Match’ plastered the length of the pitch on the terrace roof. Worse, the team emerged to an appalling song which went: ‘Motherwell, Motherwell. Go for good health, be a winner as well.’ That’s all I can remember of it. That’s all I want to remember of it. Meanwhile, Dumbarton still run out to this classic” – Peter Storch.
“For many years, Oldham Athletic have inspired expectant crowds at Boundary Park with Lieutenant Pigeon’s Mouldy Old Dough. It is played as the teams are about to come out of the tunnel. There must be a reason for this but I have never known either what it is, or indeed what it could be” – Paul Grundy.
“Following Steven Kirkwood’s missive (yesterday’s letters) about Cardiff using wrestling music to gee up the fans, and Pep wanting Manchester City fans to show more passion, maybe they could borrow from the Shane McMahon playbook?” – Jim Hearson.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Daniel Doody.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The latest Football Weekly podcast is right here. And tickets are also on sale for the next live show in London.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Port Vale’s Tom Pope has been charged by the FA after posting a tweet last month linking the Rothschilds to “every bank on the planet”.
New Premier League head-honcho Richard Masters has nailed his colours firmly to the mast by confirming he will resist moves to ban clubs from having betting companies as shirt sponsors. “We’re certainly not sniffy about it. It’s up to our clubs,” he sniffed.
The boom in women’s football runs the risk of going into reverse because of a shortage of coaches, the FA has warned.
Christian Eriksen says the decision to run down his contract made him a “black sheep” at Tottenham. “I did get the blame for a lot of stuff, for being the bad guy,” sobbed Eriksen, while playing a tiny violin.
Lifelong Manchester United fan Robbie Keane Odion Ighalo couldn’t give a flying one that he will trouser less cash now he is on loan at Old Trafford. “I said [to my Mr 15%]: ‘Make this deal happen. I want to go to United. I don’t care how much is the pay cut … make it happen!’” he roared.
And Neil Critchley has credited James Milner’s foghorn-like voice for helping his Liverpool whelps beat Shrewsbury. “He was giving words of advice, he was getting right behind the players,” cheered Critchley. “He was vocal in the dressing room. He was animated. He was vocal behind me, I could hear him.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Who needs football when not playing it can provide prime content? Marina Hyde on the genius of the Premier League’s winter break.
Which footballers share their names with film titles? The Knowledge is back with a redux of an old classic.
Liverpool, Leicester and Sheffield United have made fools of us all this season, writes Paul Wilson.
And which players scored their country’s first goal in the Premier League? Paul Campbell gets quizzical.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
