Following two weeks of almost relentless attacks since his election as Labour leader (via a small diversion through David Cameron’s university career) Jeremy Corbyn decided to begin his Labour conference speech with a pop at some of the more ludicrous headlines about him.
Here’s the four articles Corbyn singled out, and his retort from the podium.
What Mail Online said: “Revealed: How Jeremy Corbyn welcomed the prospect of an asteroid ‘wiping out’ humanity, attacked ‘pigeon prejudice’ and demanded a ban on Action Man toys.” (The article referenced an Early Day Motion about pigeons, which made a tongue-in-cheek reference to humanity being wiped out by an asteroid so the world could start again.)
What Corbyn said: “Now, asteroids are pretty controversial. And It’s not the kind of policy I would want this party to adopt without a full debate in conference so can we have the debate later in the week?”
What the Mail on Sunday said: As part of an imagining of Corbyn’s first 1,000 days after winning an election it imagined that “The summer transfer window saw the Premier League’s biggest stars departing en masse. One club after another came up for sale as its Arab or American owners ran for the exit. A multibillion-pound league became a two-bob backwater with second-rate players, poverty-stricken clubs and half-empty stadiums.”
What Corbyn said: “It tells us football’s Premier League would collapse. That makes actually a lot of sense because its quite difficult to understand how all our brilliant top 20 teams Premiership would cope with playing after an asteroid wiped out humanity. A no, no for sure.”
What the Daily Express said: “Revealed: The evil monster haunting Jeremy Corbyn’s past ... Jeremy Corbyn’s great great grandfather was the master of a workhouse described as ‘a scandal and a curse to a country which calls itself civilised and Christian’.”
What Corbyn said: Apparently my great great, grandfather I’m not sure how many greats there are here, maybe three or four, was a very unpleasant chap involved in a workhouse. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for not doing the decent thing and going back in time and not having a chat with him about his terrible behaviour.”
What the Times said: “The new Labour leader treated himself to a black cab at his home yesterday, abandoning the Chairman Mao-style bicycle his neighbours always see him riding.”
What Corbyn said: “Less thorough journalists might have referred to it as just a bicycle. But no, so we have to conclude that every time we someone go by on a bicycle we must conclude they are a supporter of Chairman Mao.”
Shortly after his introduction, Corbyn thanked his predecessor Ed Miliband for the “dignity he showed in the face of tawdry media attacks”. In contrast, Corbyn appears to have decided taking the mickey is better than taking the flak.
