The funniest standup I’ve ever seen
Dave Chappelle. I couldn’t believe I was there.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had
Someone once shouted: “We know you’re acting and this isn’t real” at a gig in Cambridge. I was 25, playing a 50-year-old lounge singer called Michael Eggwater whose thoughts were playing through the speakers at the venue. Caught red-handed.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen
TV-wise, Kristen Wiig playing Liza Minnelli trying to turn a lamp off. She is the funniest character actor in the world in my humble opinion. Wiig, not Minnelli; actually, Minnelli, why not?
The funniest word
Toilet.
The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned
As a 10-year-old, I got my mum to buy me some canvas platform shoes because I really liked the Spice Girls. I was already the tallest boy in my year by a foot.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten
People being effusive about incredibly bland food makes me die with laughter. I once had to leave a restaurant to get some air because a family friend sent his compliments to the chef about a piece of rock cake that tasted like gravel.
The funniest person I know
Aside from the peers I gig with and make stuff with, I would say Tom Davis is my king. The man is a force. I feel like I’m being tickled by a body-builder when he’s around.
The funniest book I’ve ever read
Robert Popper’s The Timewaster Letters are the height for me. Indescribably funny.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had
A very straight fringe, very short sides and a very long back. Hair’s mad!
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard
I bought a Spider-Man 2 joke book from a charity shop; all the jokes are Spider-Man 2-themed. I understand three. Here’s my fave. Q: What paper could Peter Parker never work for? A: The Times. I don’t know why it’s a joke. I think it’s a fact. If it’s a fact, why can’t he work for the Times?
Jamie Demetriou is at the Moth Club, E9, Thursday
