Historic news now as Jade Goody unveils the cure for racism - pregnancy!
Yes, the cruelly outcast Celebrity Big Brother contestant has announced that she is expecting a child by her 12-year-old houseboy Jack Tweed - and a celeb magazine has given in and forked out for the interview.
Can we all please now move ON from the whole poppadum-fuckawala misunderstanding?
To recap briefly on Jade's recent efforts to do so: following a brief spell in The Priory's racehab programme (which Jade soon fled, describing the regime - assumed to consist of knitting a macrame doll of a Mississippi Burning character or reading the Ladybird version of The Long Walk to Freedom - as "too intense"), madam embarked on a brief tour of India, before returning to wonder how she'd ever afford the barn conversion she has her eye on now Heat magazine were no longer willing to document her every bowel movement.
The answer, of course, was to get knocked up, and though it's a sadness that she was unable to find a person of colour to make the appropriate gamete donation, she's managed to sledgehammer a real sense of new beginnings into this latest interview.
Of course, Jade is not fully out of the woods yet.
Consider the cult lizard sci-fi series V, where women would pass anxious moments after birth waiting to see if their spawn was fully humanoid, or terrifyingly cursed with the demonic forked tongue of the reptile invaders. In the same way, Jade's baby could appear perfectly normal upon delivery, but if its first breath is deployed calling an attendant Indian doctor a naan bread, then all bets will be tragically off.
