Floods, Putin, some tedious sport involving hunky men finding some excuse to hug each other tightly without any overt accusations of homo erotica - WHATEVER. This weekend's most exciting development came courtesy, as it often does, of Jackie Collins. In a literally gripping interviewin the Saturday Telegraph the esteemed author of The Bitch reveals that, whilst writing her opuses, she - understandably - occasionally has to turn to music to channel the emotions that she is tapping in her books, and her favourite soundtrack for helping her access such feelings is... R Kelly. I KNEW it!
But which, one cannot help but wonder, of Kelly's many, many tracks does Collins use to loosen her artistic imagination?
Perhaps she favours "Heaven, I Need a Hug", in which Kelly begs a young woman to "shower down on me / wet me with your love", a lyric he penned shortly after being brought up on charges for what was obliquely described as "engaging in a sex act with a minor", a sex act that included him allegedly urinating on the 14 year old. Or perhaps it's Sex Planet in which this paper's pop critic, Alexis Petridis, lauded Kelly's skill in "the field of pudendal euphemism" with its references to "your milky way", "your black hole" and, most intriguingly, "[your] Jurassic Park." (She might want to get that checked out, you know.)
Personally, I reckon Collins gets on down to Kelly's insurpassably brilliant hip hopera, Trapped in the Closet, a 12 part sorta-opera of mind-crushing musical repetition but mind-bending plot developments, all of which are revealed by Kelly jumping out of, yes, a closet (perhaps that's why he thinks it's like a Jurassic Park, a sarky person might suggest.) LiS' favourite rhyming couplet is "and this is when things get really twisted / because under the sink.., was a midget!"
Man, that gets our writing juices flowing, too!
