The funniest standup I’ve ever seen
I went to see Seinfeld in Vegas, which is where you should see Seinfeld. He’s just the most polished and consummate standup I’ve ever seen. Every pause and breath and joke and word has been carefully crafted.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen
It’s probably from The League Of Gentlemen: either the Dentons’ house rules or the one where Harvey Denton drinks his own urine. I’ve always thought all of those sketches with the Dentons in were so funny.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten
I went to that Heston Blumenthal restaurant, and for one course they bring out a gas canister so they can spray something on it. I saw one by someone, and thought that the person was ill. And then I looked to my right and saw another person with a gas canister and I was like: “Wow, what are the chances of two people who are quite badly poorly eating in the restaurant at the same time?” When they kept popping up around the restaurant I realised it was something to do with the dish. I just thought I’d chanced upon a day when they’d brought in everyone who was very ill.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had
I did a gig at a pub in Putney and I was doing a joke in which I accidentally deployed the phrase “I switched on the Aga”. A man at the back shouted out: “You can’t switch on an Aga, that’s the point”, which is the poshest thing anyone has ever said. Only at one of my gigs could you have a man heckle you about an Aga.
The funniest book I’ve ever read
Those Alan Partridge books that the Gibbons brothers wrote. I read one on the plane; I had to stop because I couldn’t read it quietly, which I think is a good sign.
The funniest film I’ve ever seen
It’s been hijacked by dickheads – of which I may be one – but it’s Withnail And I. The other is a Danish film called Klovn. It is so funny. Someone told me about it and I had to call them up and sincerely thank them for putting it into my orbit
The funniest item of the clothing I’ve ever owned
When we finished Bad Education, Mat Horne gave me a T-shirt as a gift which had the slogan “If you see da police, warn a brother”, with the Warner Bros logo. He liked going to Camden Market to find the most embarrassing slogan T-shirts he could for his character, and he gave me a few of them at the end. I’ve never worn it, nor will I ever.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had
I dyed my hair blond at school and then was desperate to keep it blond for as long as possible, so I had some quite terrible roots. It ended up more like frosted tips. It was quite ‘NSync.
The funniest word
Bamboozle. It just sounds really nice. Another quite funny word is clubbable, used to describe someone. It sounds like you’d like to hit them, but it actually means they’re the sort of person you’d want to be a member of your club. It sounds like an insult but apparently it’s meant to be a compliment. I’ve never been described as clubbable – well, probably in the other sense.
