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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

IVF isn’t working – should I leave my girlfriend to pursue a ‘perfect fantasy’ family?

‘Early signs are not encouraging.’ (Posed by models).
‘Early signs are not encouraging.’ (Posed by models). Photograph: Cathy Yeulet/Getty Images/Hemera

My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight months and enjoy a good emotional, intellectual and physical connection. She is 40 and I am 38, and we are keen to marry and start a family. We have started IVF after failing to conceive the natural way. The early medical signs are not encouraging, though, and we may not be able to have children of our own. It is possible that having my own biological children is non-negotiable for me. My girlfriend feels very upset when I express these fears, and feels that I am making a commitment conditional on her bearing my children when it should be about us wanting to be together. I don’t know whether to move ahead or whether to save us both time and take a chance that I could have my “perfect fantasy” family with someone else.

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• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

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