THE planet moves one step closer to alien invasion today, as ITV announce that their new multi-show signing is Coleen McLoughlin, and the predatory extra terrestrials who use the rise of Wayne Rooney's fiancee as a means of gauging the degree to which earthlings have become totally dumb begin amassing warcraft on the edge of the thermosphere.
News of the acquisition was broken by the network's Head of Alternative Programming - that's presumably alternative to channels you actually want to watch - with the words: "I think she's the perfect face and a great personality for ITV."
High praise indeed.
And yet, curiously accurate. With ITV's motto of recent years seemingly being whatever the Latin is for "pay attention wannabe: fame is your birthright", Coleen's elevation seems the most natural of progressions.
In fact, not since the day senior executives came up with the idea of ITV Play - Lost in Showbiz likes to think of it as the channel's Wannsee Conference - has one idea so completely embodied the aspirations of the network, and we wish them all the best as the darkness descends.
