The public have spoken. According to the exclusive viewer poll that formed the basis of countdown show The Sound of ITV: The Nation’s Favourite Theme, Benny Hill’s signature tune Yakety Sax is the all-time No 1. Obviously, the correct way to celebrate this victory for good old-fashioned slap-and-tickle would be to initiate a snaking conga pursuit across the country by pinching the bottom of a buxom nurse – it’s what Benny would have wanted.
The win seems all the more impressive considering the competition, even with the field restricted to ITV output. Yakety Sax surpassed venerable bong hit News at Ten, the silver service tinkle of Downton Abbey and even the iconic fanfare of Richard Greene’s Robin Hood. But despite The Sound of ITV’s rundown of 20 classic themes, there were still some notable omissions. Here are five outliers that regrettably didn’t make the cut.
World in Action
Even unaccompanied by a deeply unsettling opening credits sequence – a stylised graphic of the Vitruvian Man, apparently being etched live on the spinning sonar display of a nuclear submarine under the red lights of Def Con One – World in Action’s doomy, prog-tastic organ figure is enough to stop a viewer in their tracks. As well as a three-note hook cannily lifted from Bach’s deathless Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, the arrangement’s repeated corkscrewing downward spiral hints at digging up buried truths, in keeping with World in Action’s investigative remit, but perhaps the track was deemed simply too dark and disconcerting to feature in a cheery countdown doc narrated by Victoria Wood. It’s worth tracking down the original version – apparently improvised by folk-rocker Shawn Phillips at the fag end of a long recording session – which is longer and even more hypnotic.
Bullseye
Gameshow themes are often overlooked, so it was refreshing that Who Wants to be a Millionaire? made it into ITV’s poll, even if its decent showing might have more to do with viewers having those tense brass cues continuously drilled into their brains during the franchise’s long run. But if the point of a good TV theme tune is to reorientate the viewer so they are mentally, physically and emotionally prepared for what they are about to see, the Bullseye theme is a remarkable example: the honky-tonk piano and ramshackle, almost ragtime arrangement effortlessly invoke the relaxing, insouciant ambience of your favourite boozer. By the time Tony Green interjects with “It’s a Bullseye!”, you’re already there.
Taggart
ITV has had plenty of great detective show themes, but Van Der Valk was voted top of the cops in the official poll. Perhaps it’s not that surprising – the success of Barry Foster’s Dutch detective show helped the theme become an unexpected No 1 in 1973. It is a great tune, but if you didn’t know that the composer Jan Stoeckart was Dutch, there’s nothing about Eye Level that screams canals, windmills or bicycles. Conversely, from the title down, the Taggart theme No Mean City, with its spidery bassline, overdrive-pedal guitars and chilly synth snare can’t help but suggest the unsettling glint of moonlight on a knife blade down an isolated alley near the Clyde. It’s pure 1980s menace.
Terrahawks
The iconic martial strains of the Thunderbirds march made it all the way to No 2 in the countdown – a high placing that might have raised some cheers at corporate headquarters as ITV continues to push its 2015 reboot of Gerry Anderson’s classic series. But for a show that has always been set in a future where a self-funded, self-appointed quasi-military contractor undertakes risky global rescue missions, it has always sounded oddly traditional. For Anderson and Christopher Burr’s 1980s followup Terrahawks, where a secret multinational combat team wages a violent war against raisin-faced alien queen Zelda, Richard Harvey’s uplifting theme retained a pseudo-classic fanfare but added lashings of synth futurism and a weirdly angelic choir. Appropriately, it also kicks off with the sound of a Space Invaders arcade machine.
Funhouse
Victoria Wood’s rundown simply didn’t have room for a deep dive into the world of Children’s ITV theme tunes, an abundant pool of classics that, even if you disregard foreign imports such as the insanely catchy Inspector Gadget, still includes some evergreen homegrown bangers. Saturday morning magazine show Get Fresh beamed boxfresh electro into the youngest of ears, while the rousing, heraldic Knightmare overture was an impeccable gateway to its odds-bodkins fantasy realm. But the greatest CITV theme of all time keeps things simple by explaining every single aspect of the programme you’re about to watch in forensic detail. Even first-time viewers would be immediately aware that Funhouse is a quiz, it’s a race, a real wacky place where you must use your body and your brain if you wanna play the game.
What did you think of The Sound of ITV poll? Was your favourite theme overlooked? Let us know in the comments below
