Photograph: SolStock/Getty Images
Many of us will have never been so glad to go into the work. There’s the joy of face-to-face interactions that we’d previously taken for granted – from banter with our colleagues to greeting the barista who serves us our coffee and Danish pastry.
But while the long-awaited return to many workplaces, pubs and restaurants has prompted delight for some, for others the prospect of re-establishing lost social connections is proving daunting.
“As an introvert who suffers from anxiety, I’ve enjoyed being switched off to socialising in the last year,” says Buckinghamshire-based Fiona Minett, 34, founder of the public relations company Boss Your PR. “I went out for lunch just once last summer and have done a total of two garden meetups with friends since this all started.
“While I appreciate everybody’s situation is different – and I’m lucky to have my husband and five-year-old daughter at home to spend time with – the thought of socialising and networking in public places again feels quite overwhelming.”
She isn’t alone in feeling anxious about the so-called return to normal. Social media has been awash with people admitting that they are floundering at the prospect of IRL chats at the water cooler or the first trip to the pub. The worries are myriad. Will we remember how to interact with people in person? Will being more guarded for safety reasons make exchanges difficult? And how to pick up with friends and colleagues who have had a particularly difficult time?
As with many daunting prospects, it helps to break things down into individual actions – practical and mental steps that should make the return to socialising more manageable.
Remember the value of small talk
People often think of small talk as being trivial or as a way of avoiding weightier conversations. But when you engage in small talk, you’re establishing important and significant things, such as “we’re OK with each other” or “we’re back on talking terms”.
London-based therapist Sally Baker emphasises the safety and importance of this kind of interaction: “Small talk is probably best described as ‘non-controversial’ chat – it’s the baby steps we use to build or rebuild connections with others. It aims to gently find common ground, when people break the ice and get to know each other. The most successful connections are built through conversational forays and mutual recognition of shared experiences, much of which happens in those early stages of chat.”
Think of small talk as being like the knockabout before a tennis match, she says. In the same way as players use it to limber up and prepare for a more intense interaction, we can use small talk to grease the wheels for conversations. “The goal of small talk is to keep the conversation as light and effortless as that tennis ball in play.”
Avoid worst-case scenarios
If you’re feeling anxious about re-establishing relationships and find yourself worrying about how well those conversations will pan out, try interrupting that negative self-talk. “If you’re thinking ahead to seeing people, but imagining that your social skills have deserted you or you won’t have anything of interest to say, take a deep breath and try to recall a recent positive interaction instead,” says Baker. “Focusing on how things might go tends to make some people think catastrophically, rather than imagining what could go well. Work at consciously changing those thoughts – there’s no reason to believe they are an accurate representation of how things will pan out.”
And remember, you won’t be alone in feeling apprehensive. Accept that you’re nervous and out of practice socially, and focus on sharing that authenticity with others. “It’s much more compelling and relatable than someone putting up a false facade, and it facilitates genuine, heartfelt connections,” says Baker. “It’s also not your job to be the perfect conversationalist, so lower expectations and allow yourself to be authentically ‘you’.”
Be mindful of non-verbal cues
We all know the importance of listening to what other people say. But for a conversation to go well, it isn’t just about what people communicate verbally. “The other person will show you in their body language and the way they respond whether they’re developing a greater connection with you, or if your words aren’t landing as well as they could,” says Baker.
Instead of plotting your next question or quip while the other person is still talking (we’re all guilty of it …) really listen and watch. What can you pick up? It’s even more crucial that we pay attention now given that new safety practices, such as face masks and social distancing, can sometimes make our interactions trickier to read.
“Try to read responses by picking up on subtle body language cues,” says Baker. “Arms or legs crossed in front of their body means they might feel defensive or vulnerable. A more open posture indicates they’re likely to feel happy or relaxed, and fiddling with jewellery or hair could indicate nerves or anxiety. If you find that you’re both picking up your glass or coffee cup simultaneously or are both leaning on the same elbow, for instance, chances are you’re in harmony and the conversation is going well.”
Avoid ‘toxic positivity’
We’ve all had very different experiences over the past 12 months and others may have had a difficult time during the pandemic. So be mindful of over-generalising. “Consider focusing on the present – and the situation you find yourselves in now – versus talking about the past or future, which could prove triggering,” says Baker.
Likewise, putting a positive spin or adding a comedic flourish to collective experiences might feel jarring to some. “Toxic positivity – where you only allow yourself to say positive statements – can quite often close down conversations as other people feel unsure about sharing their truths with you. Be real, authentic and listen for clues from the person you’re speaking to in order to take your lead from them. Otherwise, it’s worth asking whether there’s any point in having a conversation at all.”
Take time to acclimatise to the workplace
As many people start returning to the workplace, we need to be mindful that some of us will be feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Nicola Green, talent, culture and capability director at Aviva, the insurance, savings and investment business, advises taking time to ease into it. “Plan a visit before you officially return to the workplace so you can catch up on any news, say hello to colleagues and re-familiarise yourself with the workplace,” she says.
Think about an official gradual return if the option is available. “If you’re feeling anxious, work with your manager to explore if a phased return is possible and ask them if you can adjust your working hours to avoid peak travel times,” she suggests.
Employers have a big role to play when it comes to providing practical guidance that will help ease the transition back to the workplace and making employees feel reassured their safety and wellbeing are a priority. Some will also offer support services such as employee assistance programmes. Make use of them if you could benefit from them.
As for the first day back, Green points that you don’t have to enter your workplace by yourself. “Consider asking someone you trust to meet you at the entrance – going in together can feel a little less daunting.”
If your company is one of the many organisations bringing staff in on alternating days to maintain socially-distanced seating, think about how this could be to your advantage.
Alternatively you can use these new hybrid working practices to play to your personal strengths – for instance, by going in for brainstorming sessions but remaining at home for tasks that require deeper concentration levels that you struggle to attain in a workplace. Or, perhaps you concentrate better when surrounded by other people and away from your pets and children – in which case, adopt the opposite tactic.
Rather than dreading going back, try to view the overhauling of previous working practices as an opportunity to make work work better for you.
To find out more, visit aviva.co.uk
