It’s time to go full beast! Can you crack our Succession quiz?

The Roys are back in town … Succession. Photograph: Home Box Office/Graeme Hunter

1. What does Logan do to set the events of Succession into motion?

   1. Calls his daughter by his wife’s name

   2. Urinates on a carpet

   3. Drives a car into a lake

2. What is Greg doing when we first meet him?

   1. Hiding from an employer in a toilet cubicle

   2. Vomiting inside a theme park mascot head

   3. Hitchhiking to New York

3. 

   Complete the quote from Logan's brother Ewan: “The Logan Roy school of journalism? What’s next, the …”

   1. “Marquis de Sade chastity support centre?”

   2. “Marc Bolan school of advanced motoring?”

   3. “Jack the Ripper women’s health clinic?”

4. Which Beastie Boys song is Kendall rapping to in his very first Succession scene?

   1. Sabotage

   2. An Open Letter to NYC

   3. Putting Shame in your Game

5. What is Tom’s last name?

   1. Wagbayns

   2. Wambsgans

   3. Wambgass

6. 

   In which country does Kendall attend rehab?

   1. Greenland

   2. Finland

   3. Iceland

7. Which football team does Logan Roy support?

   1. Heart of Midlothian FC

   2. Hibernian

   3. Stenhousemuir

8. Which of the following was not a real Vaulter headline?

   1. The Story of Egypt’s Revolution in ‘Jurassic Park’ Gifs

   2. 5 Reasons Why Drinking Milk on the Toilet Is Kind of a Game-Changer

   3. Someone Is Making Soap Shaped Like Jerry Seinfeld’s Face, Because White People

9. What does Roman dress as at the Waystar theme park?

   1. The world’s fattest pig

   2. The world’s slipperiest snake

   3. The world’s biggest turkey

10. 

    How many times did Tom email Greg the phrase ‘You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Greggs’ in a single evening?

    1. 14

    2. 29

    3. 67

11. Complete Connor’s quote. “Sometimes I think I’ll never truly understand Dad until I …”

    1. “Strangle a baby”

    2. “Shit outside”

    3. “Screw my mom”

12. What happened to the therapist the family hired in Austerlitz?

    1. He sued the Roys for gross mistreatment

    2. He smashed his teeth out in a swimming pool

    3. He faked his own death

13. Which of these insults was not directed at Tom by the Roys?

    1. “Like a divorce attorney from the Twin Cities”

    2. “Like a sweaty corpse”

    3. “The cunt of Monte Cristo”

14. Which peripheral Peep Show character is mentioned in season two of Succession?

    1. Gail Huggins

    2. Steffan Strauss

    3. Big Mad Andy

15. 

    Complete the lyric from Kendall Roy’s rap about his father: “Shaper of views, creator of news …”

    1. “Hails from Scotland, likes penny chews”

    2. “Father of many, paid all his dues”

    3. “You’ll never catch my daddy singing the blues”

16. In season one, Tom takes Greg to dinner. What do they eat?

    1. Snake

    2. Elephant steak

    3. Deep-fried songbird

17. What does Roman sneak away to watch on his phone during Shiv and Tom’s wedding?

    1. Pornography

    2. An ASMR TikTok video

    3. Live footage of a shuttle explosion

18. What was the name of the Broadway musical financed by Connor Roy for girlfriend Willa?

    1. Sands

    2. Sticks

    3. Stones

19. 

    When does Shiv tell Tom she wants an open marriage?

    1. At her father’s bedside

    2. When he proposes

    3. On their wedding night

20. For what offence did Logan once beat Roman with a slipper?

    1. Wetting the bed

    2. Shaving his head

    3. Ordering lobster in a restaurant

21. What was Connor’s big policy during his presidential bid?

    1. Abolish taxes

    2. Dismantle the social welfare system

    3. Make Puerto Rico an American state

22. What does Tom do on his own stag night?

    1. Pierce his nipples

    2. Eat his own semen

    3. Wear a Logan Roy mask during an orgy

23. 

    In season two, Logan’s ex-wife Caroline sells her loyalty for $20m and …

    1. A castle

    2. A bottle of gin

    3. The promise of seeing her adult children every Christmas

24. Finish this Tom quote: “Canada? Canada with the …”

    1. “Healthcare and the ennui?”

    2. “Syrup and the psychopaths?”

    3. “Manners and the sensible shoes?”

25. How did Tom attempt to assert dominance over Logan in the season two finale?

    1. By sleeping in his bed

    2. By wearing his bathrobe

    3. By eating his chicken

Solutions

1:B, 2:B, 3:C, 4:B, 5:B, 6:C, 7:B, 8:A, 9:C, 10:C, 11:B, 12:B, 13:B, 14:B, 15:B, 16:C, 17:C, 18:A, 19:C, 20:C, 21:A, 22:B, 23:C, 24:A, 25:C

Scores

1. 25 and above.

   A perfect score. And I’m no fool. I know what this means. You’re coming for me. You’ve seen me living the high life, painstakingly piecing together an unnecessarily long quiz about a TV show for a newspaper, and you want what I’ve got. Well not today, sunshine. This is war. This is all-out war and I’m going FULL FUCKING BEAST.

2. 13 and above.

   Very nicely done. True, it wasn’t perfect. And, true, by even getting any of these questions wrong, you’ve shown the world what a bubbling knucklehead you are. But you tried your best. Unfortunately it wasn’t good enough. To quote Logan Roy, fuck off.

3. 9 and above.

   Less than half correct. Does this mean you kept half an eye on the last two seasons while you scrolled through TikTok on your phone? Does it mean you’ve only managed to absorb the moments of Succession that became memes? You have a lot to bone up on.

4. 0 and above.

   Oh dear. You haven’t done very well here at all. You clearly don’t know enough about Succession. To paraphrase a quote you probably can’t remember, you’re a fuckwad and you fucked it.