1 Trolling
José Mourinho, still living Partridge‑style in a Manchester hotel, has time on his hands. Last month he trolled Antonio Conte over his hair transplant, then tried a mind game on Jürgen Klopp. Klopp bristled back: “I’m not interested in what José Mourinho says. José is talking about us. Why should I talk about Manchester United?” Nine more months of this.
2 £53m England defenders
When Alf Common joined Middlesbrough for £1,000 in 1905, the press warned of an immoral slave trade “which might one day see transfer fees reach £2,000”. 112 years later, £53m Kyle Walker isn’t fazed to have raised the bar in England that bit higher. “It’s out of my hands. Whatever the two clubs decided to pay, that’s nothing to do with me.” The summer window shuts on 31 August, winter’s on 31 January. Expect last season’s spends of £1.194bn (summer) and £215m (winter) to be dwarfed.
3 New managers
Barcelona to Milan to Thornton Heath: #WelcomeFrank. So what to expect from Frank de Boer at Palace? Most likely three at the back, Dutch imports, youth‑team graduates, and news outlets using photos of twin brother Ronald by mistake – as Palace’s own Twitter feed managed when he joined. Other new faces this season: Mauricio Pellegrino at St Mary’s, top‑flight returns for Chris Hughton and Rafa Benítez, Marco Silva swapping one glamour job at Hull for another at Watford, and a media star in waiting: Huddersfield’s David Wagner, never shy of a set-to.
4 Subtle changes
While non-league clubs get to experiment with sin-bins this season, top-level law tweaks are modest. It’s all essential knowledge, though. Among the main edits: a kick-off taker can now stand in the opposition’s half; divers can be retrospectively banned; “verbal offences” earn an indirect free-kick; an offside player can be penalised if the ball rebounds off an official; and a player who concedes a penalty with a genuine attempt to play the ball is not automatically booked. And there’s a new line in Law 5, concerning “Decisions of the Referee”. It reads: “The decisions of the referee, and all other match officials, must always be respected.” We’ll see.
5 Fashion statements
Some choice new outfits this season – including a £70 third kit from Manchester United, who took the dullest elements from 1995’s “invisible” grey strip and made them more dull. The second strip has more about it, though: black with 90s-vintage graphic imprint. Arsenal, Palace, Leicester, Newcastle and West Ham also have black options – but the most debated new take is from Huddersfield: stripes with bubbly fades. When it was leaked it split the crowd: the club’s commercial manager took to Facebook to appeal for calm.
6 A golden ball
New season, new ball. This year’s is the Nike Ordem V: “a performance-orientated piece of design”, reckon Nike, featuring “Nike Aerowtrac grooves and a micro-textured casing”, “3D ink” and “Distorted Motion Graphics to flicker as the ball rotates.” Yours for £100.
7 Alan Shearer upping his game
That £450,000 Match of the Day salary will weigh heavily on him this year. Savour every word.
8 Wenger Out innovations
Last season’s crowd-funded £750 banner-dragging planes at away games changed nothing, and the global meme – Wenger Out banners appearing at a Singapore Coldplay concert, at Wrestlemania in Orlando, at a basketball game in Saudi Arabia, on an entrance at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, at the Ultra Music Festival in Miami and, doubling down, at a Trump Out rally in London – has fizzled. So what’s in store this season? Renting a banner plane over London airspace is prohibitively expensive; the Red Arrows are booked up. But whatever’s coming, Wenger’s relaxed. “I retain my focus. I keep my distance from criticisms.” Expect a contract extension some time in May 2018.
9) Pleasure beaches
Three different south coast trips to enjoy this season, now with added end-of-the-pier entertainment. The Brighton experience isn’t what it used to be, though: the out-of-town Amex Stadium is slick but it’s impossible not to miss the cramped, raucous old Goldstone. It was demolished in 1997 – if you want to pay homage, it’s now a Nando’s off the A270.
10) Betting ads
Ever wanted to see more of those “bet in play now” adverts? Good news: Sky’s souped-up output this year features new dedicated, nonstop football channels launched to coincide with their big anniversary: 25 years since they invented football. It started with the live curtain-raiser – Arsenal v Leicester – in that most traditional of slots: Friday night at 7.45pm.
11) The phrase “fixture congestion”
It’s a season compressed to make time for the World Cup – meaning a winter run of eight full rounds of league fixtures in 31 days – including 23 December, 26 December, 30 December and 1 January. Festive.
12) And emotional comebacks
Wayne Rooney at Everton, Javier Hernández back in England, Gary Megson at West Brom, and Zlatan at Old Trafford in January. Also watch out for Sam Allardyce taking a short-term £3m contract at whichever club is 17th in February.
BUT WHAT WE WON’T SEE…
1) Wonga on Newcastle’s kit
Critics said Mike Ashley’s 2012 payday lender shirt deal promoted irresponsible financial conduct to fans. So this season he’s gone with a casino brand instead. Clubs made a combined £280m on this season’s deals – nine of the 20 with gambling firms – and topped it up by selling new sleeve logos to secondary sponsors. Among them: Chelsea’s Alliance Tyres logo, Liverpool’s Western Union badge, and Palace’s green on red-and-blue patches promoting a Chinese football app, Dongqiudi.
2) Rachel Riley
The Countdown star won’t be returning to Friday Night Football after social media’s finest reacted as they do to her calling Tottenham’s loss to West Ham in May a “bottle job”. She responded: “Banter is fun, abuse is not, whoever/whatever/wherever #respect.”
3) And The Chosen One
Among other regulars dropping out this season is David Moyes – at least until jobs start freeing themselves up. Current favourite to be first to leave his post is Benítez on 10-3; Mark Hughes and Slaven Bilic are both 6-1.
