Today’s more liberal-thinking and accepting society is a great place to be for someone who feels different and is happy to shout about it.
But how might it feel to be a young person who feels marginalised but prefers to fight a quieter battle?
Let me tell you what happened to get me thinking about this.
Eighteen months ago I’d just ordered food in a restaurant. There was a boy of around 12 sitting with his mother at the table next to me.
As the waiter moved over to them, I saw the woman nudge the boy, urging him to do something. He reluctantly began to order his food and I couldn’t help hearing that he had a bad stammer.
Despite a couple of failed attempts the boy’s mother was still nodding enthusiastically at her son but the waiter began shuffling impatiently. A few moments later, probably in the spirit of trying to help, he began to second-guess the boy’s food choices.
The boy just clammed up completely and when the waiter had gone, he seemed really angry with his mother for making him try. She looked upset and both barely touched their food or spoke to each other for the rest of the meal.
See, I’m thinking that sometimes well-meaning adults and even best friends forget that people who feel different know their own minds quite well.
When I wrote my new book, A Seven-Letter Word, I knew the main character Finlay had a stammer. Thinking about the incident I had witnessed in the restaurant helped me show how patience and listening and sometimes no action at all, can be more helpful to someone who is struggling.
Mr Trevor asks for volunteers to solve the equation on the whiteboard.
‘Finlay, we haven’t had the benefit of your maths expertise for a while, why don’t you have a crack at it?’
My heart slumps into my shoes. A few teachers think that speaking in front of everyone will help cure a stammer. Mr Trevor is one of them.
I press my palms into the desk but my hands still shake.
Well-meaning and supportive people can sometimes just push a little too far.
Maybe that girl who feels pretty cool about transitioning to a boy doesn’t actually want it announcing to the whole bus by her over-zealous best friend. Someone should tell Mr Trevor that Finlay would rather not stand up in front of the entire class and face his stammering demons.
Feeling different doesn’t just happen to extroverts, right?
Some people are happier with a quieter approach.
In light of the growing acceptance of diversity in our society with a whole range of differences being openly discussed and embraced in lots of great YA literature, maybe we should all just stop and think for a moment.
While it’s really great and good to give people a platform and the space to be who they are, there is a proviso.
There might be a young person in the middle of it all who doesn’t necessarily want to be thrust into the centre of attention. Who doesn’t want to be actively “helped” but rather quietly accepted and included.
You may even be that person and you know what? It’s OK to say what you DON’T want.
It is no one else’s choice.
