It’s park weather and you are feeling golden, even if it is only in your head – or even if you are on a train, like Diane Abbott. As one supporter on Twitter put it, in response to the MP’s apology for drinking an M&S mojito on the London Overground on Saturday: “Babe, live your life.” So, inspired by Abbott and her cheerleaders, here are six cocktails-in-a-can for wherever the heat may take you. Supermarkets and corner shops are awash with them, but don’t be fooled by how similar they look: there is a full spectrum of flavour on offer.
M&S mojito
Abbott’s choice. The whole M&S range (I tried the porn star martini, too. It was a disappointment) is in the same muted shades of satin-finish, with Charles Rennie Mackintosh-inspired type and intricate geometric patterning. None of it screams holiday boozing – and I find the taste very odd. The mint doesn’t taste fresh – which, surely, is the only reason you include the leaves in the first place – and the rum sits heavy on my tongue. Not for me, thanks, Diane. 2/5
Pimm’s The Original No 1 Cup
The can says “perfect for picnics”, but it tastes like half-Pimms, in that the tin contains only the liquor, and none of the fruit, which is what makes a Pimms so tasty. I suppose that means you either have to decant it into a cup to add strawberries and whatnot, or face the ignominy of pushing soft fruit down a small hole. That said, I’ve somehow downed a whole can without blinking twice, and that’s what usually happens with this particular spirit, so it’s doing the trick. 4/5
Greenall’s gin & pink grapefruit
This is the one I instinctively reach for first. The tin has an old-fashioned look to it, and pink grapefruit-anything is usually a winner, too. It’s pink, but more Great Gatsby than Pepto-Bismol. It’s as grapefruity as it is fizzy and sweet enough that you remain completely unaware you have downed 30ml of gin before the bells have rung for midday. A beauty. 5/5
Jameson ginger & lime
The tin – with a lopsided ship-and-shield design, like you are already already hammered – boasts whiskey, ginger and lime (each of which I love in equal measure), but the drink only limps towards any of it. Forgettable. 2/5
Captain Morgan & cola
No, no no. Tastes as scary as the bright white teeth of its swashbuckling pirate look, and I simply cannot see the point, other than to feel drunken self-loathing without having to actually get drunk. 1/5
Gordon’s premium pink distilled gin & tonic
Botanicals waft from the pink tin through its pink pull tab – but as the ingredients only list gin and Schweppes Indian tonic water (with quinine), I am none the wiser as to precisely which botanicals. The flavour, though, cuts short any further attempt to find out. It’s just a bit meh. 3/5
Malibu piña colada
Smells like sunlotion, looks vaguely swampy – I am excited. It’s so sweet, it’s practically solid, and you abruptly feel both sober and determined to dive right in again, into the garish orange sunset beneath the golden palm trees of that there Malibu logo. It’s a white bikini with jelly sandals and a messy up-do. It’s a beach in a can, it slips easily into your bag and I love it. 5/5
