The Uluru monolith in Australia's Uluru-Kata Tjuta national park. Photograph: Torsten Blackwood/AFP/Getty Images
Upon graduation from university, I remember my friends and I being preoccupied by two questions. What were we going to do with our degrees (otherwise know as BAs) in dinner party conversation? And more importantly, how on earth were we going to function in a world where it was no longer appropriate to punctuate every sentence with endless swear words?
Apparently we need not have worried, but rather got ourselves jobs with the Australian tourist board, where swearing (but not necessarily dinner party conversation) is practically mandatory.
Now I would have thought that swearing or no swearing, it wouldn't be exactly hard to convince anyone to quit London in February for sunnier climes, but it seems the Australian tourism minister, Fran Bailey, has decided the job calls for strong language.
"So where the bloody hell are you?" is a A$180m (£76m) campaign aimed at Australia's biggest tourist markets, Britain, Germany, China, Japan, India and the United States.
The ad takes in all the familiar shots - beaches, deserts, the outback - with a host of typical Aussies imploring you: "We've poured you a beer, we've had the camels shampooed, we've saved you a spot on the beach ... and we've got the sharks out of the pool." It culminates in a scantily-clad girl on a beach asking, somewhat incongruously: "So where the bloody hell are you?"
Despite a few complaints about bad language, "bloody" is hardly considered a swear word in Australia anymore. Tune into any radio or TV station and, unlike in Britain, you will hear it, and worse, used constantly. Even the recent death of Kerry Packer was a reminder that despite his status as a multi-millionaire media tycoon, he is best remembered for the (im)mortal lines, uttered after his first heart attack: "Son, there's fucking nothing there."
Asked about the ad, Bailey defended it: "This is presenting Australia as we are. We're plain-speaking, we're friendly. It's using the vernacular."
What is interesting is that the campaign has been heartily endorsed by the prime minister, John Howard. A man better known for 1950s values, only last month he was complaining about the decline of good manners in Australian society, blaming it largely on "vulgarism on television".
As for the suggestion that it might be reinforcing stereotypes that many Australian's view as just a little out-of-date, Howard chastised reporters for their snobbery.
"I think the idea that you shouldn't do that because of the stereotype is, with respect, a fairly elitist view," he said.
Lots of beaches populated by girls in bikinis and kangaroos, beer, sunshine and racial harmony. Almost sounds too good to be true ... so where the bloody hell are you?
