ECHOES THROUGH TIME
Some things never change. Consider the events of January 1907, for example, when Liverpool travelled to a frozen Roker Park and built themselves a comfy 4-1 half-time lead. Jack Parkinson, Sam Raybould and Jack Cox were scintillating in attack, coming at hosts Sunderland from all angles, at pace, “like a fleet of ships” according to the Liverpool Echo. But as the paper also pointed out, “a battle is never lost until it is won”, and Sunderland came back out for the second half in determined fashion. Liverpool started conceding rash fouls and penalty kicks, the not-yet-woke Manchester Guardian observing that Sunderland’s comeback was because of a “fatal departure on the part of Liverpool from the clean game, which is by no means necessarily tame and effeminate”. The end result was 5-5. It was the first time Liverpool had ever given up a three-goal lead. Oh Liverpool!
Did something horrific take hold in the Liverpool psyche that day? Well, just consider the evidence. A mere 34,188 days later, Gérard Houllier’s side went three up against Southampton at the Dell, only for Matt Le Tissier to come on, waddle about a bit, yawn, scratch his arse and inspire his team, Marian Pahars et al, to an unlikely draw. Then, 14 years on, you’ve got Crystanbul. Oh Brendan! Oh Luis! So it’s happened three times at the very least. Probably more, if we nose through the record books further, but we have to send this thing out today, give us a break will you. Anyway, three’s enough. QED!!! And now this fiasco in Seville. Oh Jürgen! You’re going to have to address this problem at some point, you know. It’s like rising damp, it’s not just going to go away.
Of course, pinpointing the exact root of such a structural problem is easier said than done. Both of Liverpool’s goalkeepers have soft potato patties for palms and marinated anchovies for fingers; the combined age of all the fit right-backs in the first-team squad is 13-and-three-quarters; and the most dependable central defender in Tuesday night’s XI was Dejan Lovren. Scary enough, although to be fair, Liverpool could replace poor, sweet, confused Alby Moreno with Giacinto Facchetti and Paolo Maldini doubling up, and they’d still concede goals on account of having covering midfielders so immobile they make Damien Hirst’s Mother and Child (Divided) look like Seabiscuit and Red Rum.
With this point uppermost in mind, Jordan Henderson has today done a spot of fessing up, admitting that while the defence may be a creaking calamity, they shouldn’t be copping all the flak for the latest collapse, as the whole team were to blame. “I thought we defended well,” he began, brushing puddles of formaldehyde from his shoulders. “But we stopped playing, stopped getting the ball up to the front three. They were getting it back cheaply and it invites pressure.” The deflated Liverpool captain was left scrabbling around for positives. “On paper it is a good result, and we still have it in our own hands.” He might also consider that, in football, what goes around comes around, and Liverpool have been known to launch the odd thrilling three-goal comeback themselves. Manchester United in 1994, for example, or Milan in 2005. It’s a pattern that suggests another is well overdue, perhaps imminent. So here’s to being three down at home to Chelsea by six o’clock on Saturday evening, then, eh Liverpool fans. Eh?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Just before I scored, I see my dad over in the stands and he gave me the action like ‘the waters had broken’ so my head was a little bit battered. And then I went and scored and then I just looked at the manager and he said: ‘We’ll bring you off now,’ and I was straight down the tunnel and grabbed my keys and my phone” – Plucky Wigan’s Ryan Colclough on an eventful night, in which he scored two goals in the 3-0 win over Doncaster before rushing off mid-match to meet his new son in full kit, POJT-style.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Alberto Moreno was tempting fate just a little bit when he did this interview with Big Paper last week wasn’t he?” – Noble Francis.
“Re: Tuesday’s Bits and Bobs: it’s wallopers, never fuzz. The Australian police are the wallopery” – Rob Moline (and no other flamin’ pedants).
“A one-sentence washing machine pun (Tuesday’s letters) from a 10-year-old article registering a bigger smile than all The Fivers combined in same period? Check” – Tom Heap.
“May I reassure Chris Coleman (Tuesday’s Bits and Bobs): you are right, not one person can point at you and say: ‘He’s a vulture’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Since you took over at Sunderland, they’re all too busy pointing at you and saying: ‘He’s an idiot’” – David Hill.
“So Chris Coleman has sacrificed getting a better job so that nobody can be able to call him a vulture? Awwww! Such a good man. Just like me, not putting the effort in to compose a nice mail to The Fiver so that another man can get that FM 2018 I so crave” – Ed Michael.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Ed Michael, who wins a copy of Football Manager 2018, thanks to the good people at Football Manager Towers. We’ve got plenty more to give away, so keep typing.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Liverpool are investigating claims that fans were mistreated by Spanish police, with some allegedly assaulted and denied entry to the stadium before the 3-3 draw in Seville.
Former Pompey, Everton and Nigeria forward Yakubu Aiyegbeni has retired on his 35th birthday. “The Yak is third best all-time scorer of the senior national team. Thank you for the memories,” he third-personed.
Rhyl have launched an investigation after a brawl erupted in a not so friendly game with Nasty Leeds Under-23s, leading to the match being abandoned.
Everton’s Oumar Niasse has been banned for two games after losing his doomed appeal against an FA charge of channelling his inner Tom Daley to win a penalty against Crystal Palace.
It turns out Chris Smalling had something to say about being left out of Gareth Southgate’s most recent England squad. “You don’t play for one of the biggest clubs in the world for as long as I have and win every trophy bar the [Big Cup] without being able to do everything a top defender needs to do,” he sighed.
And a day after Chris Coleman said he would introduce a “no excuses” culture at Sunderland he reacted to his new side’s 2-1 defeat at Aston Villa with this gem. “The second goal was a deflection and I thought the first goal was a foul on Adam Matthews but that’s how it is. No excuses,” he honked.
STILL WANT MORE?
Why have five Premier League managers been sacked already? Paul Wilson tells us here.
“I like to prove people wrong. I’ve been doing it since I was 10.” Roma tyro Cengiz Under gets his chat on with Emre Sarigul.
Never mind Jeff Stelling’s derision, expected goals – xG – is here to stay, writes Paul MacInnes, inviting trouble.
We’ve seen this before, writes Sachin Nakrani, of Alberto Moreno and Liverpool’s latest second-half meltdown.
“Which individuals have sponsored a professional club’s shirt?” asks The Knowledge. “Crime writer Val McDermid,” shout our readers.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
