IMPORTANT! Have you heard about the proposed Honeysuckle Park?
So read the bold, all caps headline on a white A4 distributed last week to residents in the new and recently opened Lume apartments in the walled canyon that is Honeysuckle.
But it's Honeysuckle Park - or should that be "Lume-a Park"? - that's got the blood boiling among some of the new arrivals.
The advertising spiel on the website designed to boost the flogging of the Lume apartments sets a high standard in flowery prose at a time when that's no small feat in the development orgy and "sold rush" - or should that read "soul brush"? - that continues to rapaciously transform this city, where approved developments worth billions is the key measuring stick for determining progress. Count the cranes, mate, just like Bjelke-Petersen once told the doubters north of the Corona Line.
Wait till there's another hairtail run.
The purity of the waffle in real estate guff spilt to sell lifestyle apartments in this city is rarely surpassed, although new luxury car copy sometimes goes close. The Lume website hosts gems such as "Lume is where life happens". Phhttt. Life also happens in the slums of Mumbai and sometimes even in Merewether.
The website expands its flummery. "Clad with bagged brick the building texture gives it a domestic feel while contrasting turquoise glazed brick references the water upon which it stands and responds to the urban realm."
I don't know what an urban realm consists of ... maybe it's a little-known part of Westeros where White Walkers play socially distanced bowls.
The copy also promises that "Not only will Lume residents enjoy the convenience of the building's own retail development but will also find themselves surrounded by cafes, boutique shops, local amenities...." And, apparently, a Lume-a Park.
Because missing from the advertising copy, according to the distributed A4, is that there will be public access to recreational and BBQ areas which "will encourage unlawful behaviour on our doorstep ... where the shared footpath is, is (sic) right on the edge of our boundary which we have people walking all hours of the day right on top of our home looking into our windows. This already happens with people walking down the waterside moving the site fence. Which will flow onto security, privacy issues, broken glass, people drinking and people fishing and leaving remains on our doorstep."
How's this for a kicker? "We all paid big money for the location and a view which these proposed areas will limit . . .
No-one owns a view. Real estate spivs won't tell you that and neither will the waffle promising urban realms. You certainly pay for a view of the ocean or harbour, but you don't own it. Impermanence is the cornerstone of view philosophy.
The artist's impressions on the Lume website show the path and grassed areas. And trees, which will certainly interrupt views.
The area beside the water at Honeysuckle is public access and should always remain so. That access was won during long battles with developers who wanted to butt buildings right to the edge of the land and shut out the pesky public with their double-pluggers, ice creams and screaming toddlers.
And public access does mean people walking past at all hours. Some will be noisy. Some will fish and loudly play audio replays of the '97 grand final on a portable stereo. Lume's spiel states the "quintessential Newcastle experience begins when you set foot out your front door". Wait till there's another hairtail run like that in March 2016 and then one will certainly experience life happening in the quintessential Newcastle.
While the author is doing what he/she can to fire up the troops and point the finger at the City of Newcastle for a lack of consultation about Lume-a Park, surely CoN is in the clear on this one.
The Lume website has a community consultation page whose purpose is revealed as a site "to share regular updates about this new development coming to the Honeysuckle Drive precinct" and to "enable the community to understand and respond to material issues and stakeholder concerns".
There are 10 different categories on that page - no doubt provided "to help the community understand and respond" - including the development application, environmental reporting, approved strategies and monitoring results.
There's no information available in any of those categories. Unclickable.
And that's helping community understanding in a quintessential Newcastle style.
