We're screwed. That's a handy two-word summary for you, if you don't wish to plough through all 540 pages of the UN Environment Programme's landmark "Geo-4" report, which sets out in comprehensive, peer-reviewed detail the current state of the global environment.
It's hard not to get pessimistic about our chances of not all coming to a sticky end when you read that in almost all the areas examined - fresh water, fisheries, forests, biodiversity, soils, climate change, toxic waste, human settlements etc - the report says there are grave concerns about the damage already done by our actions, let alone what the future holds.
The report tries to maintain a "chin up" attitude throughout, but who are the authors really kidding, especially given what we know about the political incumbents we are currently blessed with around the world? This report leaves me feeling as if we're half-time in a big football match and already 3-0 nil down. What are our chances of pulling it around? Yes, it can be done - as Liverpool FC fans know all too well - but it's going to take something truly extraordinary, as football commentators like to say.
"The objective is not to present a dark and gloomy scenario, but an urgent call for action," says the report. "Imagine a world in which human well-being for all is secure. Every individual has access to clean air and water, ensuring improvements in global health. Global warming has been addressed, through reductions in energy use, and investment in clean technology. Assistance is offered to vulnerable communities. Species flourish as ecosystem integrity is assured. Transforming these images into reality is possible, and it is this generation's responsibility to start doing so."
Why did this leave me humming "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)"as I read it? What we really need is a Steve Gerrard - not on current form, I grant you - to pull us up off the floor, dispel our lack of self-belief, and guide us to victory.
I apologise for my downbeat tone - I'm usually much more chipper about our chances - but this report is truly depressing reading. Help me in my moment of despair. What positives are out there to cling on to? Tell me why - and how - we are going to climb ourselves out of this hole.
