TO LE HAVRE!
It’s not often England face Argentina in a match as heavy favourites, but in Le Havre Phil Neville’s side are being backed to give the Albicelestes the kind of drubbing the not so brave boys of 86 and 98 could only dream of. The reason for this uber-optimism is that it’s a miracle Argentina have made it to France 2019 at all. With the country’s FA seemingly being run by suits with views on women that could be plucked from a Bernard Manning highlights reel, Argentina did not play at all between 2015 and 2017 as players downed tools over the AFA’s refusal to pay them £6.70 a day. £6.70 a day! And to think we thought we were being stiffed by The Man. Fifa listed the team as unranked until they started playing again just two years ago. And only in April did the AFA agree to help eight squad members go professional by paying them a whopping £260 a month. Gee, thanks gentlemen!
So it’s little surprise Argentina’s players celebrated the 0-0 draw with Japan like they’d just won the World Cup. Especially given the way Scotland have been swept aside too. In two years the team have gone from hardly existing at all to holding their own against the 2015 runners-up. Perhaps bookies didn’t bother watching the match, because had they done so they would have seen Carlos Borrello giving a masterclass in how to park a bus against better funded opponents. A bus which England, who haven’t scored for fun of late, might struggle to get around.
“We’re going against a team that will sit back and defend and we’ll have limited opportunities,” parped Phil Neville, who is likely to call on midfield locksmith Jade Moore to try and find a way through the blue and white wall. He then moved swiftly on to some sweeping generalisations. “I’ve told the players this is a proud nation, a big powerful football nation. You are playing against history. When you talk about street football you’re talking about South American players who have grown up with nothing.”
Neville’s opposite number Borello, meanwhile, reckons his team is more than just a one-trick bus. “We have come to try. England is a great team, we know this,” he tooted, having perhaps only watched the first half of the 2-1 win against Scotland. “But we also have things up our sleeve, we have passion, and we are going to give it our all. We have passion!” he roared again, just to make sure we got it. They also have the benefit of zero expectations. The pressure is all on England. So good luck with that.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We’re back. So suck on that one” – Straya’s Sam Kerr has a punchy message for their critics after the flamin’ 3-2 comeback win over Brazil.
FIVER LETTERS
“The interesting Google results of various ‘D1cks’ searches (Fiver letters passim) reminded me of a time I was on a work call and someone mentioned a piece of software called ‘GlassFish’. Not having heard of this before, I quickly opened my browser and Googled it. I apparently did this too quickly for my computer at the time, which missed the first two characters of my search. Let’s just say I didn’t get too many software-related results” – David Koppe.
“Here in the good old USA! USA!! USA!!! my spirits are kept barely above despair by two things: first, the UK’s political mess, which manages to assuage my fears that we will be in political hell alone; and secondly, reading The Fiver (even when I don’t know who you are talking about)” – Patricia Hirsch.
“Are we allowed to just plug our upcoming football tournaments now? In that case, can I mention the Refugee World Cup on Saturday 22 June in Albert Park, Salford? It’s in its 20th year now, raising funds for Manchester’s refugee and asylum seeker population. You don’t have to print this letter, of course, but then I would have to assume it’s because The Fiver has ‘an agenda’” – Alex Palmer.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … David Koppe. But, back from Monday: prizes.
BITS AND BOBS
Frank Lampard is set to be rewarded for winning nothing as a football manager by being given the Chelsea job, with Maurizio Sarri taking his Sarriball off to Juventus.
Real Madrid legend Jonathan Woodgate has been appointed Middlesbrough manager, with boyhood Boro fan Robbie Keane named among his assistants. “We want as many fans back in the stadium as we can by playing attacking, exciting football,” he cheered.
South Yorkshire police is to change its approach after an internal review following its operation at the Sheffield derby in March, which was heavily criticised by supporters as heavy-handed, violent and dangerous.
West Ham have signed Pablo Fornals for £24m from Villarreal. “Manuel [Pellegrini] was a big influence because he is one of the best coaches in the world, and who doesn’t want to work with people like that?” boot-licked the playmaker.
Genk have told Brighton beancounters to find some more beans after rejecting an £18m bid for Belgium winger Leandro Trossard.
The EFL Trophy will feature Manchester United’s and Liverpool’s U-21 sides next season.
And Diego Maradona has seen himself through the Dorados door marked Do One after just a year as manager to focus on getting his shoulder-gah and back-knack fixed. “Together we surprised the world. We showed that football is passion and heart,” roared the club.
STILL WANT MORE?
Get your Women’s World Cup talking points here, including Fifa’s ticketing farce, French sarcasm and orange fans.
One for Argentina’s boss to read here: Phil Neville explains the tactics he uses.
Mauricio Pochettino is desperate to refresh his Spurs squad amid falling points totals and he’s optimistically handed Daniel Levy a shopping list, writes David Hytner.
“We’re small but mighty!” Nope, not The Fiver’s opinion of itself, it’s Bermuda’s trumpeting of their plans to emulate Iceland’s World Cup run.
Who are the top transfer targets at the Copa América? Martin Laurence knows. And if you just can’t get enough of Copa América questions, take this quiz!
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
