Recruitment site Entertainmentcareers.net recently posted an ad for a supermodel's PA. The caveat: that all applicants need "a very thick skin". The likely employer: Naomi Campbell, a woman with a history of haranguing her underlings. Could this be the worst job in the world? Not if these ads are anything to go by:
Position: Special adviser
Location: Westminster
Details: Great opportunity for an influential role at a leading government department. Must be able to assist and advise your employer on a range of issues including but not limited to libraries and how brilliant Rupert Murdoch is. Ability to text repeatedly on employer's behalf a must, along with knowledge of which emoticons will seem most appropriate when joking about illegality. This is a temporary role, likely to change after a full term in office, a reshuffle or whenever the boss needs someone to take the blame for anything at all.
Position: Stylist
Location: London
Details: Dwindling breakfast television show requires temporary stylist for hosts. Must have a passion for bright colours, getting up before dawn and walking up and down the same three rails at Dorothy Perkins for ever. Your clients are a chirpy Scottish lady and the boy from The Snowman. They are friendly but, given their uncertain futures, prone to moments of sighing glumly at everything. Perfect position for a beginner – it won't matter if you make any mistakes because nobody's watching.
Position: Hairdresser
Location: London/Los Angeles
Details: We currently have an opening for a hairdresser, tending to one of the most powerful heads in the entertainment industry. The successful candidate will have at least a decade of hairdressing experience and must be exceptionally good at making hair look like an old flattened-down broom. Candidate will also act as an adviser on dental whiteness and waistband heights, a personal companion on yacht trips and, if female, a possible casual sex partner. Important: no talking to biographers. Ever.
Position: Personal trainer
Location: Los Angeles
Details: Do you ever show signs of weakness, exhaustion or human frailty? This position is NOT FOR YOU. We are looking for a MACHINE able to train a pop megastar of such relentless stamina that she has single-handedly reversed the ageing process. The successful applicant will NOT KNOW WHEN TO STOP, pushing the client until she looks like a sock full of veiny walnuts. Desirable attributes include hard work, a fondness for Wallis Simpson, a refusal to laugh at terrible English accents and an ability to never talk about Lady Gaga.
