Well basically the top five trends everyone is talking about at LFW are (1) penises being a thing? God they are still having the biggest moment since Michelangelo’s Dave, eg Christopher Kane literally went to life drawing classes so he could get all the eroticalia on his dresses totes anatomically correct #srslyromantic&sensual (2) totes must-have things of adorbs fluffiness eg like Naomi Campbell’s fur jacket are genius since it is literally freezing ATM (3) uber-femininity, OMG the blissful chiffon & dusty pink leather at Holly Fulton #WANT (4) the new palest pink accessories eg non-swank my divine rose lambskin tote #classic (4 and a half, that moment when you wish you had consulted an expert listicationalist like at Buzzfeed who knows in advance whether to make it five things or six things you ought to know about something, or seven #edgy, or even 10 things except who has the time?) the cutest retro lollies at Anya’s show #guiltypleasure (4 and three quarters) Anna Wintour owning the Oscars in gorge blush pink & matching fur capelet #fashgenius #pinkisthenewblack :)))) (5) the unbelievably disgusting & hideous Labour “pink” women’s bus #patronising #wrong #downwithpinkification :((((
I mean Emily’s tweet was so right, it is literally EXACTLY like a great big tampon shop on wheels, everyone is like, eeeuw, how gross & vom-making is that, how dare they treat women like idiots, they have totes broken pink for everyone #thanksHarriet. Literally if Vogue is anything to go by most normal women are srsly LIVID #owngoal, & nobody even dares to tell Anna Wintour she wore full Labour bus to an award ceremony? I said to Dave, promise me if you do a conservative women’s van you will pick a colour of autumn like eg aubergine or ochre, plus mustard was *quite* the fetch hue at Burberry, he’s like, trust me babes, I will never do a women’s bus, end of. I’m like, excellent, he’s like, actually babes I will not be talking to women at all, Lynton says the two things you need to know about women are (1) they are either shopping or (2) moaning or (3) on maternity leave, so it is just not worth it, I’m like, I am sure you said it was two things, he’s like, my POINT?
