“Chalamet’s Wonka discovers the orange-skinned lad in a glass case, in which Grant performs a little jig for the audience’s amusement. The Oompa Loompa shouts to be let out when Wonka arrives on the scene. ‘You’re the funny little man who’s been following me,’ Wonka says,” the publication wrote.
“‘How dare you!’ the Oompa Loompa fires back. ‘I will have you know that I am a perfectly respectable size for an Oompa Loompa.’ When Wonka responds incredulously, Grant’s character proceeds to refresh his memory of what an Oompa Loompa is with ‘a song so ludicrously catchy that it may never leave your mind.’ Cue the Oompa Loompa dance.”
I don’t know about you but I have never read such an evocative piece of writing. It has the cadence of a deliriously horny 14-year-old girl setting the scene in her latest R-rated fan fiction. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife, or at the very least a candy cane which has been sucked so aggressively, it now resembles a pointy dagger.
The singing and dancing situation is arguably the most titillating part of Grant getting his doompity doo on. Folks on Twitter wondered if he would pay homage to some of his best musical works of yore, including that iconically camp sequence from Paddington 2 and “PoP! Goes My Heart” from Music and Lyrics.
Jokes aside, it is a bit fucked that Grant will be playing an Oompa Loompa when director Paul King told the crowd at CinemaCon that his character is “no taller than knee high”, per Entertainment Weekly. Like … just hire a person with dwarfism. It’s called representation, people!
In further cooked Wonka news, Chalamet revealed he had to swim in an actual chocolate river and kept getting a sore tum tum on set from eating too much candy, per Variety. It is, essentially, Augustus Gloop’s character arc but IRL.
Wonka will hit the big screen on December 15, just in time for the holidays. A Christmas treat, if you will.
flick starring as the zany chocolatier.
Please, take a minute to compose yourself. Sit down. Grab a drink. Deep breaths.
This deeply bizarre nugget of information landed in our hot little hands thanks to CinemaCon, the annual film convention which never fails to deliver tea (read: ).
Per , Hugh Grant made his Oompa Loompa debut in extended footage screened at the convention in Los Angeles on Tuesday.
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