Chris Baguley feared that, come Friday, he would find himself in the midst of a sausage shortage.
The father of two sent 250 letters to people in his neighbourhood of Port Stephens in the Hunter region of New South Wales inviting them over for a barbecue to talk about same-sex marriage. He also offered to post their vote for them if they cannot make it to a mailbox.
His fiance and partner of six years, Scott Dunn, a quiet man and not much of an entertainer, was less than impressed by the thought of entertaining the neighbourhood. But Baguley says deep down Dunn was on board with his plan to reach out to those undecided on their vote in the same-sex marriage postal survey.
“Everyone loves a democracy sausage and so I thought they deserved an equality sausage too,” Baguley says. “My letter says that I don’t mind if people are voting yes or no but, for those who are on the fence, they can come to a barbecue and meet me and my family and have a chat. I hope they will see we are a normal family but that will be directly affected by the outcome.
“The plan is to buy a tonne of sausages and to be prepared to send Scott to the shops for more. If I can help one more person vote yes by being open to discussion, it will be worth it.”
The campaigning leading up to the postal vote deadline has often been ugly and divisive. Stories abound of hateful graffiti being posted on public transport, homophobic posters being plastered on walls and scare-mongering using false information. The fears from LGBTIQ people and their supporters – that holding a vote rather than changing marriage laws in parliament would lead to a long and damaging campaign – have been realised and stories like Baguley’s cannot make that OK.
Actor Brenna Harding, a Logie award-winner best known for her role as Sue Knight in the television series Puberty Blues, believes it is nonetheless important to acknowledge “the positive and beautiful things” people were doing.
Her mothers have been together for 16 years and, when she was 12 years old, Harding gave evidence at the NSW parliamentary inquiry into same-sex adoption. Last week, she sent 6,500 letters to people living in her suburb of Earlwood, an inner-western suburb of Sydney, telling them about her parents.
“They have been the most wonderful mothers, loving me fiercely and supporting me through the good, the bad and the ugly,” she wrote.
“I’ve thought many times about what it would be like to be the flower girl at their wedding. I’ve thought many times about who might come to celebrate their love. Every time we receive a wedding invitation or attend a ceremony my heart hurts for them, because they never got the choice.”
Harding placed her email address at the end of the letter and invited people to contact her to discuss the issue further.
“There have been a lot of moments in my parents’ days and mine that have really hard, and my mums have been brought to tears multiple times by things happening in this debate,” Harding told Guardian Australia. “I had been feeling exhausted by it all. But then I went to the marriage equality rally in Sydney and I really felt the beauty of it. It was so uplifting. And so I thought of writing a letter to my neighbours because personal stories can change hearts and minds.”
Some people had written to her saying they had no come out as gay yet but that her letter had made them feel like they weren’t alone, while others wrote and thanked her for being brave because they did not have the energy to take on the hatred.
“To reach out and focus on the positive and beautiful things is a way we can survive this,” she said.
This was the same sentiment that prompted Brad Harker, who lives in the Brisbane suburb of Hawthorne, to decorate his and his partner’s house with rainbow flags and to invite his street to a barbecue at his home on Sunday.
“I’ve only been out of the closet for six years, so I feel like I ripped off the gay community for 40 years of my life by being in the closet and now that I’m out I feel a heightened sense of obligation to give back to them,” he said.
“There has been so much contention out in the community and people debating backwards and forwards, so I thought it would be nice to have a barbecue that was not political and that was community focussed.”
About 60 people came, bringing plates of food and bunches of flowers for him and his partner, Scott. They have received many letters of support over the past few weeks.
One letter read; ‘Me and my friend were driving past and we saw the rainbow flags ... we would like to express our deepest gratitude to you for letting us know we are not alone amongst a debate rife with homophobia and hate. Keep on fighting, love from two friendly neighbourhood gay kids’.
“It brings a tear to my eye,” Harker said.
Ruth Durrant, who received the invitation from Harker and attended his barbecue with her husband and two children, said it was the first time she had met many of her neighbours.
“It was really lovely,” she said. “Brad and Scott gave a speech and thanked everybody and spoke about their history, and it was just very courageous to invite an entire neighbourhood of random people to their house. There were a lot of tears when they read out some of the letters of support they had received.”
It included a letter scrawled on a paper bag which simply said ‘thank you on behalf of those of us who don’t have a voice’.
Michelle and Tammy Law, in Brisbane, also took the approach of writing a letter to their neighbours with an email address at the end inviting questions. They included “five friendly facts” about same-sex marriage with their letter including “Fact Five – This survey has nothing to do with the Safe Schools program. A Yes vote will have no impact on education policy.”
Michelle said they wrote the letter in support of their family members who are gay, including the author and screenwriter Benjamin Law. Those interested in asking questions have been invited over for a “cuppa or a beer”.
“We wanted to put something out there that made us feel like we were contributing to the conversation and adding balance to the vitriol coming out of some no campaigners,” Law said.
“We wanted to approach the discussion in a way that would be less intimidating to those still undecided and who might have questions, and in some ways it is easier for straight allies to do this as many LQBTIQ people are feeling so taxed and emotionally tired from it all.”
In the NSW town of Blackheath, located near the highest point of the Blue Mountains, videographer Dimity Kennedy brought together people working in the wedding industry and invited the community to eat a rainbow wedding cake.
“Jennie Keogh who manages the Facebook page ‘The Wedding Experts’ came up with the idea to try and show support from a wedding vendor point of view for marriage equality,” Kennedy said.
“The idea was to get as many wedding vendors from the local area or city together and eat rainbow wedding cake to show our support for the LGBTIQ community and clients, and to encourage everyone to vote yes and to post their forms.”
Similar events were held around the country, she said.
“We ended up with about 45 or 50 attendees and we had some brand new locals show up ... it was a really great way to show them how inclusive our little community can be in real life,” she said.
“We figured if it came from wedding vendors it would also show our support to the community that we are also wanting to work on weddings and that, even if they’re not legally recognised just yet, we fully support them and want to be involved and have marriage equality for all as soon as we can.”
Joy Ng, the owner and manager of the Bearded Tit bar in Redfern, Sydney, said her venue wanted to create a community outside of the club environment for LGBTIQ people to feel included and safe despite the worst of the no campaigning.
“As a venue even before the postal vote we tried to encourage positivity,” she said.
Every Wednesday night they hold an event called “The Queerbourhood” where people can “hug a queer” in the bar and patrons can also pick up a “vote love” coaster.
“We want to make sure we don’t focus on the bigoted things, so we try to use humour in what we do as well,” Ng said. “Even our staff sometimes come to work upset by something they’ve read from the no campaign on social media, and we offer a safe space for people who may be feeling a bit down and need some positivity.”
