Whether it’s the Great Lock-In, 75 Hard or 12-3-30, I can’t escape GlowUpTok. IDK what my For You Page is trying to tell me — probably to stop putting myself down and actually do something proactive — but it’s all over my feed whenever I log on for my daily scroll. And lately, I’ve been getting a whole lot of ‘routines to become the hottest version of yourself’.
I take these videos with a grain (or handful) of salt. They’re well-intentioned, but depending on the creator and their recommendations, it can be a slippery slope into some pretty unhealthy habits.
But hey, on the top of the rabbit hole, there’s some pretty solid tips. Positive self-talk, candle lit showers and wearing lingerie just for yourself are some of the tips that creators ‘guarantee’ will work for everyone. Which got me thinking…
Is there a science to feeling sexy?
Georgia Grace, sexologist and co-founder of sex toy brand Normal, said it involved multiple mental and physical shifts.
Biological Impact
“Feeling sexy is a complex and highly individual experience, not just a simple biological or psychological response,” she told PEDESTRIAN.TV.
“While one person’s experience may differ greatly from another’s, there are some common physiological and neurological changes that can occur.”
Dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin are three neurotransmitters which contribute to our well-being, connection and stable mood. Georgia also pointed out areas of the brain play a part in the psychological aspect to feeling hot and unbothered.
The hypothalamus regulates hormones, the amygdala is responsible for emotional arousal, and the prefrontal cortex, which handles all your self-awareness and decision-making.
She said shifting our psychological shifts are also important, including our feelings and ideas — especially towards ourselves.
“Triggers for feeling sexy are highly individual. There are no universal triggers, but some common themes emerge,” Georgia explained.
“Many people report feeling sexy when they feel connected to their body, connected to other people, or feel good about themselves. Other triggers can be contextual, such as being with a person they are attracted to when that person is in their element and looking good.”
Cultural Contributions
Feeling yourself isn’t just psychological. Your upbringing, who you surround yourself with and what you consume also contributes to your perception of yourself. Georgia said these are called ‘sexual scripts’, and we interpret them from school, parents, past relationships and the media.
“It’s important to examine and challenge these scripts, especially those that tie sexiness to body image ideals, such as being skinny, or to restrictive practices like hair removal,” she said.
Different sounds, smells, types of touch and emotional states can also often act as triggers for feeling sexy, according to Georgia. So a set routine may not be the straight-and-narrow answer.
Self-Esteem
This one’s pretty obvious, but the way you perceive yourself contributes pretty darn heavily to how sexy you feel. Georgia said that those with higher self-esteem often experience higher sexual satisfaction and desire, whereas those who don’t feel as good about their bodies or sexuality are the opposite.
“It’s also possible for some people who generally lack self-esteem to find that sex is the way they feel good about themselves,” Georgia pointed out.
And if you’re sleep deprived or stressed? You’re probably not reaching your full sexiness-mindset potential.
Georgia said “stress elevates cortisol, which can suppress testosterone and make you feel tense or distracted.”
“A lack of sleep can leave you without the energy or capacity for sex. Diet also has an impact, not only from the direct effect of food on mood and energy, but also from the psychological ties between food, body image, and sexual confidence.”
So if meditation and eight hours of sleep are on the ‘hot girl guide’ you’ve got saved in your TikTok favourites, you might wanna take those two rules seriously.
Can You Train Your Brain To Feel Sexier?
The good news is that you can absolutely switch up your mentality if you’re in a bit of a self-hating rut right now and want to get out of it.
“The field of somatic sexology focuses on neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to rewire old patterns and ‘reimagine’ how you engage with your body through new habits and behaviours,” Georgia pointed out.
Mindfulness, movement, self-touch and cognitive behavioural therapy (self-talk and challenging your current mentality) are all practices Georgia recommends when it comes to boosting your confidence and feeling like the sexiest version of yourself. And how you do that is entirely up to you.
“It’s also important to address shame as an “ecosystem” rather than an individual issue,” Georgia said.
Exploring shame in relation to yourself, your relationships, environment and the media and how it plays into your own identity is a great way to do this.
So, is there a science to feeling sexy? Yes, but it’s not as straightforward or universal as TikTok says. It isn’t about following a strict routine — it’s about figuring out what actually makes you feel good in your own skin.
Image credit: @kaybbbbbbbbb / Georgia Grace
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