The photographs that we use to introduce ourselves to potential partners are crucial. Anyone who’s ever browsed a dating site or app also knows that a lot of people are just bad at picking pictures of themselves.
None of the brave folks who have sent in their profiles for critique have agreed to have their photos published (yet). And I get that! But I feel like I can’t go any further without bringing up a few crucial things to keep in mind when you’re curating your personal gallery. Being conventionally attractive (whatever that means) will boost your chances of your photos engaging interested parties, but so will:
- Keeping it up-to-date. It’s fine if you want to post a photo from three years ago because it shows you in your element, but your primary photo should have been taken within a year. Why? Because if you turn up for a date and the person you’re meeting regards you with mild horror … well, you’ll feel sad. And if you can avoid feeling sad on a date, that’s for the best. True love never sprang from a date where one person felt terrible about themselves and the other person felt misled (feel free to write in if it happened to you, however).
- Excising your exes! It’s hard not to laugh drily when you come across someone on Tinder whose profile picture is of their recent wedding. But even if you’re perfectly single, a photo of you with someone who you once loved reads: unavailable. Even if you’ve erased their face or cropped their body out so it’s just you and an absent arm. Even if it’s a really attractive photo of you. Sorry!
- Taking it seriously, at least a little. You’re concealing your face, you’re wearing a novelty hat. You’re using a photograph of your dog, you’re flipping the camera off. If you use your photos only to showcase your sense of humor, it makes it look like you think you’re too cool for online dating, but you’re not, are you? You’re online dating. So are the people you’re trying to attract. You’re all in it together! Fine to be tongue in cheek, but don’t mock it: own it.
- Lighting. Take at least one photo outside. Not under the hot fluorescent lights of your windowless bathroom. Even if that’s the place where your pecs look best.
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Enlisting a friend. Selfies may be flattering, but they can also make you look like a bit of a narcissist if all of your photos are self-taken. Get someone to take a nice photo of you. If you’re too ashamed to ask a friend to take a nice photo of you to use for your dating profile, then please know that they’re not a very nice friend. Special pro tip: a photo that was taken by your ex, but doesn’t include your ex, can be a good one, since you’ll be more likely to be regarding the camera with a warm expression.
Profile one: Man, 25, UK
Save the profile photo in which you’re pulling a silly face (switch it for one of the photos in which you’re looking suaver). There’s nothing wrong at all with your profile, but it might seem a bit generic. Which it shouldn’t be, because you aren’t. You say you like cooking – so what do you like to cook? You “try and stay creative” – how? Adding these specifics will make you stand out from the competition and also give people an easier conversation starter than “I see you also like eating.”
Profile two: Woman, 51, US
I like your profile a lot: it’s clear, succinct, and genuine. I like how you share that you’re a parent: it’s not the first thing you mention, but you make it evident that your son is important to you. Exemplary!
That said, in your letter to me you mentioned that a future partner needs to “be a friend”; you could be even more clear and say this, rather than referring to a “partner in crime” (unfortunately, this phrase has become a bit cliched, unless you’re really looking to hold up a bank, in which case I think there are specialty websites for that). I might suggest that you strike out the line about a man needing to look after himself. You’re an adult, so it should be moot, and listing it out might make you sound unnecessarily judgmental.
