Name: Shane Sutton
Age: 58
Occupation: Technical director of British Cycling (resigned)
The ugly face of doping rears its head once more. Actually, you’re wrong. This might count as the first time that someone has lefttheir job in cycling for a reason other than their colossal drug intake.
Oh good! Then what’s the problem? Well, it’s more to do with how Shane Sutton is apparently the world’s most offensive man.
He is? That’s what the papers are saying. Imagine Prince Philip …
OK. Now imagine how much worse he would be if he had to stand around in an unflattering unitard all day, having spent the bulk of his career with a razor-sharp saddle wedged halfway up his bum.
Good God, that’s incredibly offensive. And this is why he’s been suspended.
Do we have specifics? We have accusations. British track cyclist Jessica Varnish claims that, after finding herself unable to compete in the Olympics, Sutton told her to “move on and have a baby” because she was too fat to ride a bike anyway.
Christ. It gets worse. Para-cyclist Darren Kenny, winner of six Paralympic gold medals, claims to have heard Sutton referring to members of his teams as “gimps” and “wobblies”. The incident has apparently upset him so much that he now refuses to display any of the medals in his house.
That’s awful. So, how was Sutton supposed to have got away with all this? Allegedly this is all just part of his brash approach to coaching. One source inside British Cycling even went as far as to compare him to an abusive husband.
What a nasty piece of work. It’s important to remember, though, that the investigation into these allegations is still pending, and that Sutton denies all claims of bullying.
It doesn’t sound great, though. No. And it’s probably the last thing that British Cycling needs in the runup to the Olympics.
So what’s next? For British Cycling? A thorough investigation. For Varnish? She has vowed to win her place back on the British Cycling squad.
And Shane Sutton? Let’s see. Accusations of anger, bullying, sexism and favouritism? I’m sure there’s a school PE teacher’s kit with his name on it.
Do say: “Thank God people are speaking up.”
Don’t say: “Aren’t bikes for idiots anyway?”
