Full name: Sebastian Newbold Coe.
Age: 58.
Appearance: Middle manager with an air-conditioning company.
Famous for: Running.
Go on. He was a fantastic runner, if you like that sort of thing.
Which you don’t? Personally, I have never seen the point of running round in circles, but some people – especially self-promoting governments – are keen.
Isn’t Coe a bit old to be a runner? He did all his track running 30 years ago – winning successive Olympic 1500m titles – but never really stopped despite retiring from athletics in 1990.
I sense you are trying to make some clever link here. Since 1990, he has devoted himself to running for office: Conservative MP from 1992-97; became a Tory peer in 2000; chaired the organising committee of the London Olympics; became vice-president of the International Association of Athletics Federations in 2007, and this week was elected its president.
A high achiever. That’s one way of putting it.
You don’t like him, do you? He’s just too damned perfect. In his great rivalry with Steve Ovett in the 1980s, it was fashionable to support Ovett – the prickly, gap-toothed outsider – and deride the super-smooth Coe.
Sounds like random prejudice. Of course. He was portrayed as the archetypal posh Englishman, but his mother is anglo-Indian, he failed his 11-plus and went to a Sheffield comp.
Tough with a name like Sebastian Newbold. He says you had to learn to fight or to run. He ran.
Are you going to mention drugs? Ah yes, the burning topic in Coe’s presidential intray. The sport’s credibility has been threatened by recent allegations of widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs.
What was his reaction? Initially he called them a “declaration of war” on the sport, but he is now promising more anti-doping resources and says he will make athletics “relevant” to young people.
How? Maybe athletes will have to run while texting and taking selfies.
What will he do next? Probably nothing. “After so many races run, this might be my last race,” he told delegates. Presidents of the IAAF tend to stay in office longer than your average African despot.
Do say: “What a hero.”
Don’t say: “Where is Steve Ovett these days?”
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