Prince Harry's last trip to the US began in Las Vegas and ended in a blizzard of bad publicity. If he could have been discharged from the monarchy for conduct unbecoming to a prince, he would have been. Now he is back in the US for the first time since his outing to Sin City and early reports are cautiously optimistic that he will emerge regally triumphant. How well has he fared in the intervening months?
August 2012
Las Vegas. You remember. Gambling. Drinking. A fateful yell of "All back to mine!" when the "all" included someone apparently ready, willing and able to take photos of the naked prince and two equally naked female companions during a game of strip billiards, post them on the internet and provide the Sun with the Platonic ideal of a front page. Still, it didn't involve anybody in Nazi fancy dress and for that let us all be quietly grateful.
Idiot points: 4/5
September 2012 - January 2013
Après Vegas, le four-month tour of penitential duty in Afghanistan. Went very well, except for the moment he appeared to liken shooting the Taliban to playing on his PlayStation. But again – no Nazis, no nudes neither, so –
Idiot points: 3/5
February 2013
Harry visits vulnerable children in Lesotho being helped by Sentebale, the charity he supports. He bakes cakes, dances on his knees, visits schools for the deaf and the blind and learns a bit of sign language. The spirit of Diana moves through all, and the nation weeps, albeit for various different reasons.
Idiot points: 1/5
April 2013
Not always the cruellest month – Harry warms the cockles of the collective heart by attempting to change a (doll) baby's nappy one-handed during a visit to brain-injury charity Headway, which Diana supported, unveiling a plaque beneath a photo of his mother, opening the Notts TV Institute, DJing – and, when a programmer deleted the hair from his onscreen image, joking: "You've made me look more like my brother!" Then he waved wands with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge during a tour of the Harry Potter studios, and a good time was had by all.
Idiot points: 0.5/ 5 (He did flip the baby over by its legs to finish doing its nappy.)
May 2013
A potential early hiccup – two consecutive visits to Kensington nightclub Bodo's Schloss where the flame-throwing dance troupe Girls Roc from Britain's Got Talent were providing the club entertainment – provoked apprehension. But no pictures or headlines proclaiming Girls Got Pregnant have emerged, so now Harry continues his charm offensive across the pond. So far on his week-long US tour, he has met the first lady, will be meeting injured US soldiers, visiting the landmine clearance charity Halo, made famous by Diana, and generally being Top Bloke for Britain.
Idiot points: watch this space
