Name: Malta.
Age: Inhabited since 6500BC.
Appearance: The new Dubai.
Oh no. Well, it had a good run. Don’t be so quick to judge. Why is something being the new Dubai a bad thing?
You’re right. Why is Malta the new Dubai, then? The warmth? The infrastructure? No, because loads of British people are moving there to avoid paying taxes.
I knew it. OK, fine, but you have to admit it’s an attractive deal. According to a report in the Times, Malta is offering British people a variety of non-dom-style tax breaks that include a 15% rate on income remitted to the country and no capital gains tax.
But still, aren’t people who traditionally move to Dubai … arguably content to live a life of luxury that relies on a system of economic inequality built on the backs of abused and exploited migrant workers? Sure. But we’re not talking about Dubai. We’re talking about Malta, which is less exploitative.
OK, so what else is attractive to British migrants? Well, according to one British resident who spoke to the Times: “They drive on the same side of the road, there are red postboxes, HSBCs on the corner and they have Marks & Spencer.”
God, that’s almost worse. Is it? Why?
Because people like that are the kind who enjoy the decorative parts of life in the UK but not the parts where they have to contribute. Well, I suppose when you put it like that …
And the local people? Do they enjoy living in a two-tier country that gives a better deal to wealthy foreigners? Obviously not. They say that so many foreigners are moving there that they can no longer afford homes, and this year the Times of Malta called for a radical tax overhaul to stop giving preferential treatment to economic migrants.
I’m not surprised. “They live here and use all our infrastructure but contribute almost nothing, flash their money around and irritate the local Maltese,” it stated.
God, I can’t imagine living in a country where people are horrible to migrants. Listen, people are free to do what they like with their lives. If they want to run away to a country where the majority of their neighbours will hate them just to save a few quid on their tax return, that’s up to them.
But they do have M&S, though. Then I hope you and your caterpillar cakes are very happy together.
Do say: “Malta is an attractive tax haven.”
Don’t say: “But I only came for the postboxes.”
