There are three basic rules when it comes to clapping: don’t clap along to television theme tunes; don’t clap when aeroplanes land; and absolutely do not clap in the cinema. This last rule, however, has seemingly not reached audiences of Darkest Hour, because they have been giving it spontaneous standing ovations at the end. This has happened in the past with films such as The King’s Speech, but it’s a weird and pointless exercise – Gary Oldman can’t hear you, you know – so perhaps it is a good idea to take this opportunity to parse the etiquette of other strange quirks of audience participation in cinemas.
Dressing up
Sometimes a film will be so feverishly anticipated that audiences physically have to watch the film dressed as one of its characters. I have seen this in the flesh with Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings and Men in Black, although some City firms also held 1990s dress-up screenings of The Wolf of Wall Street. Presumably without period-authentic Quaaludes. Is it unbearable? No, it’s sweet. Unless the entire row in front of you forget to remove their Gandalf hats, in which case yes. Verdict: YES
Heckling
Tommy Wiseau’s The Room became an international cult hit thanks to screenings that encouraged everything from jeering to spoon-throwing. Is it unbearable? In theory, no, since it’s why people watch it. But, in practice, these screenings are exclusively attended by inveterate attention-seekers who come loaded with pre-prepared insults, and desperately want to make the film all about them as loudly as possible, so yes. Verdict: NO
Singing along (mandatory)
Old musicals such as The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Sound of Music have found extra lives with pseudo-karaoke sing-a-long-a screenings, where audiences are free to dress up, hiss baddies and roar along to the songs. Is it unbearable? Absolutely not. This behaviour is the sole point of these screenings. They aren’t for everyone but, if they’re not for you, don’t go. Verdict: YES
Singing along (uninvited)
When Mamma Mia! was first released, it reportedly caused a wave of spontaneous singing in its cinema audiences. Is it unbearable? Are you kidding? Of course it’s unbearable. It’s the most unbearable. If you want to sing along to Abba, do it in the shower like everyone else. It’s bad enough having to listen to Pierce Brosnan murder SOS without having to listen to the person in the neighbouring seat’s caterwauling as well. Verdict: No
Studio-sanctioned phone use
When the first Despicable Me film was released, Universal unveiled The Minionator; an app that translated Minion-speak into English in real time. This, obviously, meant that people had to take their phones out in the cinema to use it. Is it unbearable? No, it is worse than unbearable. People who look at their phones in cinemas deserve to be poisoned. For a studio to encourage this behaviour is beyond abhorrent. Verdict: NO
