Is it ever OK to dump someone by text?
Jonathan, by email
Why bother with the formality of even a text, Jonathan? I suggest doing the whole thing by emojis. The sad face with handwave should convey the message with admirable concision.
Of course it’s not OK to dump someone by text. I appreciate that face-to-face communication is now dreadfully 1.0, and it’s easier to fight with strangers online than engage in actual human emotion with a friend, but I’m afraid this modern tendency towards avoidance really won’t fly when it comes to matters of the heart.
Put it this way: if you know the person fairly well, by which I mean you’ve had more than three dates with them, then you owe them face-to-face dumping or, at the very least, a phone call if you’re far away from another. (And no, leaving a message on their answering machine telling them they’re dumped doesn’t count.)
If you’ve have fewer than three dates, then a gentle fade away is fine. If they call you, just say you didn’t feel it was working out. But no one needs a text saying they’ve been rejected on first impressions. The exception to this rule is if you’ve slept with them. Sleeping with someone and never calling again is just tacky. Who do you think you are, a cliche from Sex and the City?
Look, what’s the one story everyone has heard about Phil Collins? That he dumped his wife by fax. Whether or not this is true, the legend has stuck, because the legend is hilariously gross. But at least a fax requires some kind of writing – a text is done by thumbs. And no one should be dumped by thumbs.
Post your questions to Hadley Freeman, Ask Hadley, the Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Email ask.hadley@theguardian.com.
