Unfortunately, money is an emotional topic that many newlyweds end up arguing about. About 45% of couples fight about money at least occasionally. When it’s time to balance the budget or do taxes, tensions can flare between partners. While experts say money issues are a leading cause of divorce, having some financial conflict doesn’t mean your relationship is totally doomed. Could arguing about money even be good for your marriage? Let’s explore this idea.
Is Arguing About Money Good For Your Marriage?
You’ve probably heard the saying “all couples fight.” It’s true that conflict is a natural part of romantic relationships. Even though you love your spouse deeply, your different financial backgrounds and money values may clash sometimes. If you fight fair, arguing about money could actually be good for your marriage.
Some couples never talk about finances, which can cause money misalignments. One spouse may end up spending too much or investing in riskier assets than their partner is comfortable with. Ignoring these issues and pushing them under the rug can lead to bigger problems down the line, such as credit card debt or investment losses. Arguing about money and hashing out these issues may be better for your marriage in the long run. Burying your head in the sand allows these issues to spiral and compound, making them more difficult and costly to fix later on.
Although arguing about money is better than letting financial problems fester, it’s important to handle conflict as constructively as possible. Avoid calling your partner names or blaming them for your monetary problems. Try to use “I feel” statements to frame your beliefs about how your joint finances should be dealt with. If you and your partner have different opinions, attempt to find common ground or an acceptable compromise.
Money is a sensitive topic, so you may start to lose your temper or raise your voice. It may be helpful to take a few moments to calm down before continuing the discussion. Having a level head will prevent you from disparaging your partner and saying something you might regret.
Take Steps to Stop Arguing About Money
Have Regular Money Dates
Many couples only talk about money when they notice that there’s an issue, which can create a negative association with money. Instead of only discussing your finances when a stressful event arises, consider setting up regular “money dates” a few times per month. A money date is an opportunity to sit down and check in with your partner about your finances. During this meeting, you can reflect on your spending, celebrate what you’re both doing well, and identify potential areas for improvement. Tweaking your budget on a regular basis can help prevent the financial surprises that can lead to arguments. By incorporating money dates into your routine, you’ll be able to plan for irregular expenses better and stay on the same page about finances more easily.
Money dates are also a great way to make budgeting and working with money feel less stressful. Before your date, consider creating a comfortable environment by lighting some candles, playing music, and opening a bottle of wine. In addition to handling practical matters like bills and taxes, you can use this time to set financial goals and dream about your life together.
Even if you aren’t financially ready to buy a house or go on vacation, picturing these shared aspirations can help you and your spouse bond. Sharing your excitement about your financial goals and plans on a regular basis can make money a point of connection instead of contention.
Consider Combining Finances
Another way to potentially prevent arguments about money is to combine your finances. Studies have shown that couples who merge their money tend to be happier overall. They also fight less and feel better about how the household finances are handled. Researchers say that combining finances helps increase feelings of community.
Sharing the same pool of money gives couples the sense that they’re in it together and tackling financial goals side by side. Separating your money creates more of a “tit for tat” dynamic that can lead to conflict. Couples who don’t combine finances often keep mental track of who paid for certain things and even Venmo money back and forth. This can make you feel more like friends or business partners than a united couple handling life’s challenges together, which can weaken your bond.
How do you and your spouse handle money and financial conflict? Share your tips in the comments.
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