The funny thing about modern American culture is that it is simultaneously obsessed with sex and completely disparaging of it. Because of that, it makes total sense that WEtv is premiering a US version of Sex Box, a show where couples have actual sex in an actual box on your actual TV. While this is happening, does one have to refer to one’s television set as a sex box or does boob tube suffice?
Sex Box was originally a British show that aired in 2013 on Channel 4 and became a cause celebre in the country. Many curious people tuned in and plenty of detractors got their hackles up, but once everyone realized that the sex in the box is even less graphic than a censored episode of Sex and the City on TBS, they sort of got bored with it. The show only lasted one season.
Naturally, before the show has even aired, plenty of conservatives are trying to keep it from happening. The Parents Television Council, a conservative group that tries to keep graphic sex and violence (and gay content) off broadcasts, has started a campaign to stop the show. They even launched a petition to have WE taken off cable packages so those who want access to the Disney Channel don’t need to also get the Sex Box channel. WE put a link to PTC’s petition on its own website and told people if they watched the pilot and were still enraged, they should sign it. The PTC responded in the same hysterical manner to which they respond to every gay kiss that happens in prime time and demanded WE refund everyone in America what they pay for cable TV.
Fox News, bastion of sound thinking and tolerator of cultural difference that it’s known to be, published an article titled Why Sex Box Needs to Be Stopped. The tl;dr version of the article is that it is airing on cable (granted, at 10pm on a Friday) and a child might actually hear adults talking about sex on television and, I don’t know, be scarred for life or something. Or maybe be forced to talk to their parents about sex. God forbid a parent have to have a discussion about sex with any human old enough to be awake and flipping through the channels at 10pm. Regardless, the story about Republican congressman Larry Craig cruising for men in a public toilet aired on the nightly news, which might have raised more questions than Sex Box is likely to, and which people watch over dinner.
The thing is, there is about as much sex on Sex Box as there is in the champagne room, which is none at all. Couples come out and talk to a panel of three experts, psychologists all: Fran Walfish, a regular on the TV news circuit; Chris Donaghue, the Adam Levine of sex therapy; and Yvonne Capehart, a pastor as well as a counselor. Noted American sex columnist Dan Savage was on the UK version of the show, but apparently wasn’t interested in opining on this side of the pond.
After a little chat about their relationships with the experts, the couples go have sex in the sex box while the experts talk more about them. We do not see or hear anything that happens in the sex box. We get some incredibly euphemistic discussions of what went on inside, but nothing that would offend someone at the next table at brunch, still less titillate people with access to the internet and its acres of free-range pornography.
In most cases the couples don’t even need sex therapy, though the first couple do. The problem is that Brandon can’t give Elle orgasms. The judges tell him to pay more attention to her needs and communicate better. They have sex in the sex box and achieve their goal. Congratulations, the pair now have a PhD in Sex Boxology.
The other two couples don’t really need to be sexing in a box to solve their issues. Dyson and Rebecca’s big problem is that Dyson wants to invite another woman to join their relationship and have a “throuple.” Rebecca doesn’t really want it. They don’t need to learn how to have sex, they just need some etiquette lessons. The experts tell Dyson to go into the sex box and not have the crazy kinky sex they’re used to, just have normal boring sex focused on each other. Um, don’t you think that having sex in a box in front of a room full of people and a viewing audience at home is pretty damn kinky sex? Anyway, they decide not to open up their relationship and all the experts seem relieved.
The final couple, Alexia and Christopher, stopped having sex once they had a baby because Alexia doesn’t feel special anymore. After a discussion with Christopher about this, he seems to have come around. Why are they having sex in the Sex Box? Probably because they have a babysitter and this is the only time they know they won’t be disturbed by their child. Who cares about the 100 people in the studio audience as long as the kid isn’t around.
Yes, this show is about as unsexy as getting a pedicure from Bozo the Clown (though there is probably someone out there with that exact kink). The funny thing is, the advice does seem to be helpful for these married couples and strengthens their relationships. You would think that would be something conservative pundits would be happy about, but they’re too blinded by the sex that no one sees to admit that some good might come out of this show.
