Sexpert Jenny Keane says making love is a skill like any other – which has to be learned and perfected.
The Dublin-based love guru has travelled the world giving seminars, and hosts Q&A sessions online.
Jenny, 35, has shared her guide on how to turn up the heat in the bedroom, from flirting to seduction to role play.
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She told the Irish Sunday Mirror: “When we understand that sex is a skill we are open to learning and expansion.
“This is really important when it comes to jazzing things up in the bedroom.
“Just like everything else, we lean naturally towards certain skills – flirting and seduction or kissing and touching or oral techniques. You can always learn more. Seeking out high quality sex education helps you broaden your sexual imagination.”
Here’s Jenny’s guide to spicing up your love life:
Set the scene
“It’s all about the senses. Scented candles or adding incense, maybe even changing the colour of the lights or adding music like romantic playlists... these stimulate the senses.
“In the animal kingdom they call this pacing, which is about the plot, the tease and the seduction.”
Stimulate the brain
“The brain is one of the most central erogenous zones. If we are too stressed, too tired and not in the mood it’s very difficult for
our body to act on arousal, so adding erotic extras like sound, smell, sight, touch, helps to deepen arousal.”
Get messy
“It’s all about being creative. One of the biggest things is learning how to take sexual perfection off the table.
“The expectation that we should all know what to do all the time... it will kill sexual creativity and playfulness.
“Sex is full of mistakes and there’s no wrong, we should be having fun and getting messy and doing and saying the wrong thing, and coming together through laughter.”
Compile a database on each other’s needs
“Everyone’s really interested in the spark but it doesn’t give off much energy. Really the question should be how you keep fire alive, you have to add fuel.
“Ask yourself, ‘I feel connected with myself when’... then write a list of when you turn yourself on and when you turn yourself off... and they turn me on when and they turn me off when...
“What you both have now is a database which is collection of information that will help you move towards connection.”
Communicate your needs
“The way you show up in the bedroom is more than likely the way you show up in your life. Would you be a risk taker, is it easy for you to make mistakes? Is it easy for you to take the lead or are you passive and it’s easy for you to submit? Do you find you’re saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’?
“If you say ‘yes’ like this in the bedroom it means you are probably more likely to take on more work when you have too much on.
“If you want to change the way you show up in life, change the way you have sex.”
Ask the right questions
Asking the right questions about sex can lead to your own personal sexual revolution and better pleasure for you.
Jenny added: “When it comes to sex we ask questions like how can we slow down, how can we make this more connected?
“How can I make this spiritual or how can I expand my capacity for pleasure – is there more to orgasm than just clitoral?
“In terms of our sexual development this stage is known as sexual expansion and can lead to our own mini sexual revolution.”
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