Full-time: Inter 0-0 Milan
It’s over. Night.
90 min+2: Milan win a corner on the left. Nothing comes from it.
90 min+1: Nigel De Jong tries to score with a bicycle kick. Yep. Handanovic saves comfortably.
90 min: Shaqiri whacks a ball over the top. Icardi brings it down beautifully and shoots, but the ball fizzes just wide. Unlucky.
89 min: Shaqiri wallops one over from 25 yards.
85 min: Destro turns and zings a shot at Handanovic from 20 yards.
84 min: Now Hernanes is vooked for a foul on Paletta.
83 min: D’Ambrosio is booked for taking an agricultural clump out of Bonaventura.
82 min: Abate is booked.
81 min: D’Ambrosio’s dipper from 20 yards doesn’t fall in time, the ball flying over the bar. Milan introduce Alessio Cerci in place of Poli.
79 min: Juan Jesus’s daisycutter from 20 yards is pushed aside at full stretch by Diego Lopez. The Milan goalkeeper then claws away the corner, the ball is driven back into the box, and he makes a magnificent reaction save from Palacio.
78 min: An Inter corner on the right. Shaqiri whips it to the near post, it’s flicked on and Milan just about scramble it away.
77 min: Xherdan Shaqiri replaces Kovacic.
75 min: Another replay shows that Palacio did indeed seem to pull Antonelli down. The pair of them were both racing to get into the box and it was Palacio who threw himself at Hernanes’s cross, thereby stopping Diego Lopez to gather the ball and forcing Mexes into his rather clumsy intervention.
74 min: It seems that the goal was disallowed because Palacio fouled Antonelli off-the-ball during the build-up. Roberto Mancini is seething, but it looks like a good spot by the referee. Meanwhile Mattia Destro has replaced Suso, who has faded after a promising start. “Evening Jacob,” says Simon McMahon. “Let’s just pretend this MBM never happened, right?”
73 min: It’s been disallowed. I’m not sure why. They had broken at speed and a low cross was fired into the six-yard box by Hernanes, where Mexes got himself into a mess and turned it in.
72 min: Inter think they’ve taken the lead thanks to a Philippe Mexes own goal, but I think it’s been disallowed...
70 min: The limping Alex is replaced by Gabriel Paletta.
68 min: Scoff all you like, but Tom Ince could probably do a job for Inter.
67 min: Inter make their first change, Assane Gnoukouri replaced by Joel Obi.
66 min: I can’t remember Milan’s last attack.
64 min: Palacio saunters down the left and his low cross is met by Hernanes, whose shot is deflected wide. He wants a penalty for handball - replays show it did indeed hit Antonelli’s hand - and a minor brouhaha ensues between the two teams. Eventually it’s sorted out and the corner can be taken. Vidic heads wide.
62 min: A replay of that Palacio chance shows that Mexes blocked it with his thigh, not his hand.
61 min: “As a long time Milan fan who is crippled with nausea watching the current team, I still found it in me to be insulted by the fact that you’d rather watch that show than this game,” says Apoorv Avram. “It’s like having your nails pulled out slowly while Danny De Vito watches. Also, Menez has scored a few. That’s all one can really say about him. The Honda/El Shaarawy/Torres possibility had me vaguely interested, but it has been negated so comprehensively that I laughed and cried and cried some more.”
Updated
59 min: D’Ambrosio’s cross is deflected into the side netting for another Inter corner. Milan deal with it.,
57 min: A chance! An actual chance! A ball is pumped from right to left and Icardi leaps and nods it down to Palacio. He gets there before Diego Lopez and tries to turn the ball in, but his goalbound effort is blocked by a covering Milan defender. Palacio appeals for a penalty for handball, but the referee says no.
56 min: Palacio’s pressure forces Abate to concede a corner on the left. Hernanes overhits the corner.
55 min: Once upon a time, these were two of the best sides in Europe. Hold me.
54 min: Is Jeremy Menez supposed to be good?
53 min: Four minutes pass without anything happening.
49 min: Palacio slams the ball into the Milan net after being set up by Icardi, but unfortunately for Inter the flag is up for offside against Icardi.
47 min: Ace Bonaventura shakes off his marker and shoots from 25 yards. Handanovic watches it dribble wide.
46 min: Milan get the second half underway.
Half-time: Inter 0-0 Milan
The half-time whistle is met with silence.
45 min: There will be one minute of added time.
44 min: Poli is down after falling awkwardly. He may well have hurt his arm.
43 min: This is classic mid-table fare.
40 min: The corner is a waste of time. Let’s watch an episode of Football Italia from 1995.
39 min: Abate crosses and Vidic heads behind for a Milan corner. Vidic holds his head momentarily. Has he suddenly decided he doesn’t like heading?
37 min: Why not?
35 min: Menez twists and turns and pokes a low cross into the six-yard box. Handanovic pushes it away. Moments later Juan Jesus is booked for a foul on Suso. Milan have had the better of the last 10 minutes.
34 min: Did Mancini and Inzaghi ever play together for Italy?
33 min: Gary Medel 1-1 Nigel De Jong. De Jong slides into Kovacic and he goes into the referee’s little black book.
31 min: It gives me no pleasure to see these two sides in their current state. It’s like watching a new episode of The Simpsons. The old magic has gone.
29 min: Suso’s free-kick is devilishly delivered into the six-yard box and it ends with Alex thumping the ball into the Inter net, but the whistle had long gone for offside against the Milan defender.
28 min: Gary Medel pitbulls into Abate and concedes a free-kick on the right. He’s booked. “I think it’s a measure of how far these two teams have fallen that the biggest point of interest in this game is, for me, finding out whether Marco van Ginkel still remembers how to kick a ball in a straight line,” says Matt Loten.
27 min: Hernanes’s effort is a disappointment. I’m not going to bother describing it, that’ll teach him and hopefully spur him on to do better next time. Maybe.
25 min: Palacio darts around the back on the right and his low cross is shovelled behind by Mexes at the near post. The corner is cleared but moments later Medel’s volley from 25 yards is handballed by Antonelli. Inter have a free-kick in a promising position.
24 min: You can be really attacking in a game of chess, you know. You do know that, right?
23 min: BT Sport’s Kevin Gallagher opines that this is a game of chess. But he’s wrong, this is a game of chess.
20 min: Suso makes Handanovic work a bit harder this time. It was almost a carbon-copy move, a smooth shift inside from the right, a shot with his left foot, but this one was struck with more venom and Handanovic had to react smartly to beat the ball away.
18 min: Suso skips inside from the right and works the ball on to his left foot. His shot from 20 yards is reasonable enough, but it’s straight at Handanovic.
15 min: Would you rather be locked in a room for 10 minutes with Katie Hopkins or with Piers Morgan? Choose wisely.
14 min: Jeremy Menez goes on an adventure down the Milan left, zigzagging into the Inter area and prodding a low cross into the six-yard box. Juan Jesus whacks it away. “Oh don’t listen to him,” says Jacob Steinberg. “You’re doing a barely adequate job.”
13 min: Kovacic swings one wide from 25 yards. “Hi Jacob,” says Jacob Steinberg. “I think you’re doing a TERRIBLE job.”
12 min: Emails please! Keep your old chum Jake company!
11 min: Inter continue to search for the breakthrough. Hernanes puts that sorry corner episode behind him and puts some oomph into a shot from 25 yards, forcing Diego Lopez, bane of Iker Casillas, to claw it behind for a corner. Milan survive.
9 min: Inter have started quite well. Gnoukouri breaks into space on the right and shuffles a pass to Palacio, who’s clear for a split-second in the area. But he takes too long to get a shot away and Mexes is on hand to shut the move down.
8 min: The corner from Hernanes is total nonsense, struck along the ground to the Milan defender at the near post. That was atrocious and it probably explains a few things.
7 min: Palacio has an amble down the left and forces Alex to concede the game’s first corner.
6 min: Suso gets on the ball for the first time. Did the on-loan Liverpool winger watch the game earlier, I wonder?
4 min: It is loud. The fans have turned up tonight. Let’s hope they’re rewarded with a spectacle.
2 min: Hernanes turns brightly on the edge of the Milan area. Mexes blasts the ball away uncompromisingly.
And we’re off! Inter, kicking from left to right in the first half, get the game underway. The San Siro crowd fizzes. Give it a few minutes, that might not last long.
The players are out. The football is imminent.
The teams
Inter: Handanovic; D’Ambrosio, Ranocchia, Vidic, Jesus; Gnoukouri, Medel, Kovacic; Hernanes; Palacio, Icardi.
Milan: Diego Lopez; Abate, Alex, Mexes, Antonelli; Poli, De Jong, Van Ginkel; Suso, Menez, Bonaventura.
Preamble
Hello. It’s the Milan derby! But it’s also a mid-table clash in Serie A! But is the Milan derby! One of the biggest games in the world! But, well, it is a mid-table clash in Serie A, 10th against ninth, a reminder that Inter and Milan are a sorry shadow of their old selves. What has happened to these two? In 2003, this was a Champions League semi-final. Milan were the European champions that year and in 2007; it’s only five years since Jose Mourinho led Inter to European glory. And now? Well it would be wrong to say that you couldn’t pay me to watch this match, because, well, look at me right now, but I’ll level with you, if I wasn’t being paid to watch this match, you can rest assured that I would be watching episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Netflix instead.
Kick-off: 7.45pm in London, 8.45pm in Milan.
