In this publication’s long and distinguished tradition of investigative journalism, it falls to LiS to begin the hunt for the baby delivered by Brian Blessed in Richmond Park in the 1960s. It’s likely, since this week marks the first time he has ever publicly acknowledged the incident, that a woman is currently alive in this country who is completely unaware that Brian Blessed gnawed through her umbilical cord and licked her face moments after she was born.
Could it be you? Are you a 52-year-old woman from south-west London? Have you always been haunted by the sensation that you are somehow different from everyone else? Have you spent the bulk of your adult life trying to get licked in the face by a succession of gigantic dogs, as if to recapture a distant memory that exists tantalisingly out of reach? Do you feel a supernatural bond with the actor Brian Blessed, almost as though DNA from his saliva somehow got into your bloodstream at an exceptionally young age? Do you feel part-Blessed? Are you unable to say anything without sounding like Zeus himself bellowing for help from the pit of an abandoned well? Have you got a massive beard?
If so, do get in touch. LiS cannot promise it will help you reconnect with the man who helped to bring you into the world. But it would quite like to touch you. Because, God, it wants to be you so much it hurts.
