I felt anxious about many things on the morning of the results of my 360-degree review, but the effects of ordering a turkey wasn't one of them. I was, I confess, still recovering from my best friend's wedding on the weekend, which seemed to slip a little film of angst over my already nervy brain. Yet walking into a room packed with Clore Social fellows gave me a rush of happiness. We'd only ever met once before, but somehow a bond had already been formed. It felt comfortable, supportive.
Thanks to a trio of chartered psychologists and professors at the Henley Business School, we were skilfully whisked through the principles of a strengths-based 360-degree review process, positive psychology and the various styles and benefits of coaching.
We learned that most of us humans (and/or line managers) are intent on identifying our weaknesses and figuring out how to eradicate or mollify them. It's known as the negativity bias. And we should resist it. Why? Because if we simply focus on improving our weaknesses, we'll only ever get to being mediocre. But if we focus on our strengths, then we can become truly excellent.
Truly excellent sounds pretty good to me. Still, when the first of two, lengthy 360 reports were handed out, I immediately hunted out my weaknesses. Or – trying to avoid the "w" word – my non-strengths. I don't think I was alone.
The strengths-based principle is simple. It tells us to know our strengths, and then to use them, then to use them more and in different situations. But it is also predicated on the understanding that as humans we work best when we are in teams, and when the teams comprise different types of people with different strengths.
So what did I learn about myself? That, even on reading the reports in which eight or so other people disagreed with my own view of myself, I still think I am right. (Is that known as an egotistical bias? Can I claim it?) My respondents all indicated that I am good at leading others; I disagreed. I am good at the rallying side, of getting things up and rolling and motivating people. But I feel that I have a big non-strength when it comes to maintaining and supporting others consistently over a long period of time.
It's tempting to list all my other non-strengths, but that's my negativity bias coming through which I am trying to thump over the head, smiling all the while.
I was just reading through the detailed second report on leadership qualities when I noticed my father calling me. My father NEVER calls me. Although the subject matter of the report (me) was of immense interest, I went outside to listen to his voicemail. I NEVER listen to my voicemail.
My mother, he explained, had been taken to A&E with chest pains. She was okay, but was going to be monitored overnight. Apparently she had been driving when the pains began, but rather than going home immediately, she decided to order the Christmas turkey first. By the time her neighbour, Stan, had driven her to A&E, the pains were pretty serious, her blood pressure dangerously high.
My mother has put herself in charge of remodelling my aunt's house in recent months, making a 90-minute round trip several times a week. She is preparing for 20 people to come for Christmas. She's been zipping around the country to see friends; she came all the way to London for my best friend's wedding, taking my son back home with her on a packed night train. And she's working on a new book. She's 75.
The rest of the afternoon, my head was not entirely in the room or on the report. As I was travelling home later it struck me, quite forcibly, and through my own minor chest pains of angst, that many of my strengths I have inherited from my mother: seemingly boundless energy and enthusiasm and curiosity; a resolutely positive outlook; a throng of friends and associates; and the capacity for (and a delight in) managing several different projects all at once.
Back at Clore Social the next day, I had a coaching session with a brilliant man with a brilliant name: Dr Kevin Money. I told him the story of my mother, and the strange synchronicity of that event with this opportunity to reflect on myself. I know all too well that, like her, I too would always order the turkey.
Dame Mary Marsh, founder of the Clore Social Leadership Programme, is adamant about the importance of people looking after themselves properly. I hear what she says but the combination of my positive attitude and my curiosity for new ideas means that I'm constantly taking on too much. Just like my old ma.
Dr Money went through my weekly routines, how I spend my time, where I focus my energy. He reminded me, in a suitably challenging way, that I get to choose who I am and what I bring to a room, or a group – whether that's at work or at home. We discussed simple changes to ease the pressure on myself, while maximising my productivity and playing to my strengths. I left feeling as though I might be inching my way towards not always ordering the turkey.
Eugenie will be keeping us updated on her Clore journey with a monthly diary entry. If you have any questions for her, please leave them below.
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