With the worldwide COVID-19 epidemic in full effect, fighters and fight fans alike find themselves in the same boat as everyone else when it comes to finding their next source of entertainment and income.
Sports across the globe have pretty much come to a halt, and though MMA may be a sport that can return to business faster than others, the fact still remains that our new realities currently involve factors like social distancing and self quarantines.
Now, I don’t want to make light of the pandemic at hand or overly sensationalize the current climate, since I’m sure we’ll all come through this as better human beings. However, in case things get worse – hypothetically – I thought it would be a fun exercise to construct a fantasy team of seven fighters who you’d want by your side in the event of an all-out apocalypse.
Here’s mine, and feel free to share yours in the comments section below:
No. 7: Frank Mir
Strengths: Weaponry, looks intimidating, probably already ready for the apocalypse
Summary: I believe it was Joe Rogan who said that if Frank Mir fell down a flight of stairs it would set off a firework show of gunshots. Regardless if there’s any truth to that or not, anyone who carries enough weapons on the regular that they accidentally smuggle ammunition into another country can be on my apocalypse team any day.
Former UFC heavyweight champ credentials aside, Mir – who looms large at 6-foot-3 – just looks like a guy you wouldn’t want to mess with. Add in his tactical skills and a large stockpile of guns, and that’s the person I’d want guarding my resources (assuming he lets you back in the house after your supply run).
Frank Mir tactical firearm training:
No. 6: Corey Anderson
Strengths: Work ethic, hunting, creates extra hour per day and extra day per week
Summary: Having a bunch of guns for home defense is great and all, but we still need someone who can use weapons to feed your team – and that’s where a hunter like Corey Anderson comes in.
Now, regardless of your ethical stance on hunting, desperate times call for desperate measures as many of your apocalypse team members may find themselves missing protein during these strange times. All Anderson seems to need is his bow, his dog, and his big red truck to get you solid returns.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m sure that there are potential downsides of being stuck with being someone who has a non-stop work ethic, but Anderson seems like he balances in healthy doses of PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) into his rigorous routine of self-discipline. You will probably have to worry about those you surround yourself with during these times – but Anderson won’t likely be one of them.
I mean, could you really hate on someone who gets their late-night workouts in to “Ghetto Superstar”?
No. 5: Emily Whitmire
Strengths: Resourceful, one with nature, all about the DIY
Summary: We’re only a couple of team members in and already have a lot of bases covered, but we still need some balance here. More importantly, we need someone who is resourceful in the ways the many of our typical selections might not be.
Enter UFC strawweight, Emily Whitmire.
An avid nature lover, Whitmire can reliably hit the trail of many terrains, whether it be on horseback or with the company of her sweet boxer, Bruce.
Whitmire also appears resourceful when it comes to things you can do for yourself on the domestic front. She was the first person on my social media feed to share links to things like cheap water filtration methods or bidets for the bathroom.
Oh, and she can do a bunch of cool hippie stuff like brew her own kombucha?! Yeah. She’s definitely on my team.
No. 4: Julian Marquez
Strengths: Comic relief, awesome beard, extra beef
Summary: In keeping in the spirit of balance, you’re gonna need a solid mix of comedic relief and quality characters when it comes to your survival team for the apocalypse — and that’s where UFC middleweight Julian Marquez comes in.
A flexible team member, Marquez can either look right at home holding a weapon next to Frank Mir or make for a quality video game playmate to help pass the time with. And whether he’s getting creative with his workouts or interacting with strangers on social media, Marquez seems like the type of dude who doesn’t let the situations get the better of him.
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure why I put “extra beef” as one of Marquez’s strengths, but – for whatever reason – I don’t suspect he’ll disagree with it. And when the going gets rough, you’re gonna want the beefiness that’s behind that beard to have your back.
No. 3: Charles Rosa
Strengths: Culinary skills, street smarts, sweet Boston accent
Summary: Acquiring and stockpiling food is one thing, but you’re gonna need someone to cook that food. I present you with UFC featherweight Charles Rosa.
A legit chef, Rosa has experience from cooking at high-end restaurants to feeding former roommates like UFC heavyweight Walt Harris, so you know he knows how to make those around him happy through the good graces of food.
In fact, you can go all the way back to 2012 to find footage of Rosa taking care of his fellow fighters, as seen here
Couple these culinary skills with Rosa’s Boston street smarts, and you get an apocalypse teammate who I’d want by my side both in the kitchen and in a fist fight.
No. 2: Georges St-Pierre
Strengths: UFC legend, amateur paleontologist, undeniable “riddum”
Summary: I doubt anyone is questioning this team member selection, because, let’s be honest: Is there anything Georges St-Pierre doesn’t do well?
Not only is the former two-division UFC champ the poster child when it comes to self-discipline and mastery, but it also seems like – despite his means – his creativity remains unhindered during these trying times.
But don’t let the work ethic and impressive physique fool you, St-Pierre offers an intellectual side to him that may surprise you. St-Pierre has a passion for everything from the extinct dinosaurs who reside in the ground to the aliens above that may be stealing time itself from the former champ.
Either way, Canada’s finest is ready for everything, and that’s more than enough to be on my team.
No. 1: Brian Stann
Strengths: Leadership, wisdom, “has seen things”
Summary: A natural leader, it’s hard to argue Brian Stann’s spot atop this list.
From his acclaimed experience of leading people through combat to the respect he drew from his colleagues as a fighter and analyst, Stann may be the only person suited to corral this cast of characters I’ve assembled.
Whether you need to think pragmatically about home defense or strategize a supply run, Stann is a guy who I’d definitely trust to make the right decisions that are in the best interest of the group. And in times where you have to worry about everything from an invisible virus to the wellbeing of your family, you need someone who can think on their feet while wearing many different hats.
