CAPTAIN, LEADER, VILLAN
He’s back. A grand old man of the game, who after leaving a club he served with great distinction and contributed so much to has found a new home. Many thought he might retire, but the love of the game was just too much, and it doesn’t matter that his new team is a relative step down from the heights he’s used to. Who knows how it will go, but the Fiver wishes new Indian Super League club Chennaiyin FC boss John Gregory all the best.
Around the same time as this news was confirmed, back where Gregory did his finest work Aston Villa were announcing a new arrival too. A few weeks ago, Villa suit Keith Wyness was asked about the possibility of his team signing John Terry. He said they might be keen but: “I don’t think we would be the right solution for [POJT] personally.” And quite right too. For all Aston Villa’s problems last season, central defence wasn’t really one and they’re gearing up for a gruelling Championship season in which a combination of vigour and second-tier experience will be key. Why would they jazz millions on a bloke who’ll be 37 in December and somehow managed to get injured twice and suspended once last season, despite barely rising from the bench?
But logic be damned, because Plain Ol’ John Terry is now Endsleigh League John Terry. “It’s a club I have admired from afar for many years,” belched ELJT, presumably only because “Listen, I’d get bored just knocking around at home on my own, and this lot are the only ones who’d have me, so here I am” probably wouldn’t strike the right tone. “It’s time for a change from me. I’m here to be part of a squad that can potentially go up this season,” he roared.
The whole thing was announced on the Aston Villa Twitter account, with a post seemingly designed to make you cringe so hard your spleen would very nearly rupture. This took the form of a WhatsApp conversation - which the more we look at it, the more we think that it might not be 100% real – between free-wheeling social media maverick and Villa chairman Dr Tony, Villa manager Bernard Cribbins and assorted other Villa players. Dr Tony “announces” the arrival of “JT”, and declares him a “Captain, leader … VILLAN”, which does seem a little on the nose for comfort, certainly among a few former colleagues. A few other players chip in with some imagined light banter (and if there’s one thing better than light banter, it’s light banter that someone made up) at which point the Fiver started to wonder if it’s possible to smash a Twitter account with a large bit of wood.
It later emerged that ELJT chose to join Villa instead of a Premier League club on the basis that he didn’t want to play against Chelsea, a little surprising because that would have afforded him the chance to deploy the most emphatic muted celebration of all time. An entirely muted performance, perhaps, not going in for tackles or blocking shots because of the profound respect he holds for his old club. Still, it does at least display further that this is a man whose heroically enormous self-regard for his own image will one day fall and crush him like a particularly heavy bookcase.
But you wonder why ELJT is bothering. Usually, when an ageing, formerly great player leaves the very top of the game they have a few options. They could go somewhere that will pay them enough to not only set themselves up for life, but probably their children and their children’s children too; they could go to an untested frontier to spread the word of the game; they could make a sentimental return to the place where it all started; they could simply retire with some dignity intact. ELJT seems to be taking the other available course - playing on pointlessly because he just can’t let go, like basically every boxer ever. Whether the thought of ELJT, once perhaps the finest defender in the world, being skinned by Yann Kermorgant on a grim Tuesday night in Reading is deeply amusing or profoundly sad, is really up to you.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Chennaiyin has been one of the most consistent teams in the ISL so far and I want to continue the great work done by Marco Materazzi in the first three seasons” – in sentences you thought you’d never see outside of the 2017-18 season of a 2000-01 Championship Manager game, the aforementioned John Gregory expresses his delight at being appointed manager of Chennaiyin in the Indian Super League.
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BITS AND BOBS
Everton completely missed the zeitgeist by announcing the signing of Sandro Ramírez without the use of a Instagram message conversation between Dixie Dean, Olivier Dacourt and Paul Rideout.
José Mourinho ain’t best pleased with Manchester United’s lack of transfer action.
Liverpool’s Andre Wisdom is very carefully entering Pride Park’s postcode into his satnav as he is now Derby County’s Andre Wisdom, with the Rams splashing out around £3m for the defender.
And Fulham need not worry about a thing after dancing playmaker and captain Tom Cairney signed a contract extension to put all that transfer talk to bed – for now.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
Will Paris Saint-Germain throw a monstrous offer at Liverpool for Phillipe Coutinho? That and more in today’s Rumour Mill.
Germany are too hot for Chile, Under-21s digest and more in the final Football Weekly (for a bit).
Bournemouth’s Steve Cook took a fitness coach on holiday. Stuart James gets an insight into the crux of pre-season nowadays.
An exhaustive look back at the Premier League at 25, by fans of each club to have ever played in the thing.
England Under-19s want to dive in headfirst and make a splash at the European Championship, writes Jamie Jackson.
Every deal in Europe’s top five leagues, right here.
Germany are the Confederations Cup 2017 victors. Yep.
China’s big bucks count for little as CSL rules dictate megastar spending, so-says Paul MacInnes.
Which European clubs have done the best wheeling and dealing, ponders Niall McVeigh.
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