Let the demolition of Westfield, the Arndale, Lakeside, the Bullring, Wood Green Shopping City and the rest of those hellholes begin. There is enough stuff knocking about already. If you really need this season’s jumper then try to get lucky in a charity shop. You crave new eyeliner? A biro will have to do. If you’ve run out of toothpaste, ask a neighbour for a quick squeeze.
Next, Eton, Harrow et al will close and be converted into gloriously fabulous council estates. The royal family had better hand their houses, land, vehicles and animals back to my government or I’m chucking William and Kate in the tower. All royal duties have now ceased so I’m encouraging any previously unemployed members of that family to retrain in the public sector as nurses/librarians/pest control officers – anything more useful than their former roles.
The ex-royal properties will be transformed into arts venues putting on eclectic, uncensored theatre, music and art shows. Buckingham Palace will be a dedicated space for children in foster care and their families, a place where they can have fun, mess about with corgis and horses and generally run amok.
In order to promote compassion and respect between generations, teenagers at school must carry out weekly social visits to elderly people living alone. Young and old are to tell one another their life stories and secret passions, to listen and not interrupt. Both parties will learn something. Alongside this, all adults have to learn to bath an elderly or disabled person. I’ve found it’s a pretty good skill to have under your belt.
Every citizen will create something to give to a neighbour. Cook a meal, draw a picture, write a poem/story or make a playlist: whatever, as long as it comes from the heart. You may never speak to them again but when a crisis strikes, there will be a door you can knock on.
Words and phrases reveal the nuances of outlook and behaviour within a community, so people will learn a non-European language of their choice and hopefully gain a genuine and deeper sense of people from a different culture, instead of an objectified, exotic snapshot.
Everyone will work a three-day week – let’s do less and live better. Ultimately I want a fairer, more representative country so there will be quotas at our top universities for kids from non-selective state schools.
Finally, I’d commit to a large-scale programme of treatment for sex offenders. I believe it’s the thing society claims to hate the most that requires from its leaders the greatest display of humanity.
