So we are in the car when Dave turns off First Aid Kit & goes OK guys multiplication fun-time, seven eights? Elwen is like, have you lost your phone or something, Dave’s like, I mean it, seven eights are? Nancy’s like, excuse me I was TRYING to play Hello Kitty World with Douglas Carswell, he’s like, from now until May we study in the car, seven threes? I’m like, are 18, obvs, he’s like, correct, now ask me a question, bear in mind I can’t take my hands off the wheel & I am more of a humanities person? I’m like, fine, if you need to learn your tables why don’t you do Kumon or find a tutor like a normal person, unless Nicky Morgan will teach you for nothing? He’s like, are you joking, this whole back to basics nightmare is idiotic Morgan’s fault, OK, history time, what does Magna Carta mean, no Elwen, it means humongous trolley, yes I am sure, I was lucky enough to go to a very good school.
He’s like, one for you Samantha, if I move my upscale accessories business to Luxembourg, will I pay more or less British tax, I’m like search me, I am useless at maths, he’s like correct answer, next question, supposing I ring-fence education but the number of pupils increases have we spent more money or less, no, I do not care what your phone says, Elwen, Stefano Pessina’s support is good enough for me. I’m like, my turn, if Raif Badawi is sentenced to 1,000 lashes, spread out over 20 sessions and he has already had one how many lashes does he have left, Dave’s like, ha, trick question, how do you know my friend Salman is not an enlightened reformer, it might be hardly any?
Honestly I said to mummy, you know that term before common entrance when everyone goes literally insane, well with the endless questions this is way worse, any minute people could find out that IDS struggles with ping-pong, Hunty can’t do basic reasoning, Sajid won’t read, Boris is lazy, & Theresa has to be cheating, she’s like & what about Dave’s maths, I’m like :((( she’s like how :(((, I’m like, put it this way, he still thinks he might win?
