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Earlier this week I wrote about Dana White’s seemingly doomed mission to put on UFC 249, global pandemic be damned. Despite the fact that he’d lost one of the headlining fighters and the location for the event, White was still determined to host the fight night on April 18.
On Tuesday, news broke on how, exactly, he is planning to do it, and how we is going to get around all the pesky states banning large gatherings: He is going to acquire a private island.
I’m not kidding. This is UFC’s plan. And it leads me to my next point: Dana White needs to get a white cat, and he needs to start pensively stroking it, preferably always.
Why? Because that is what a great Bond villain once did, and if Dana White is seriously going ahead with his plan to acquire a private island to host his bloodsport, I can only assume that he is hellbent on becoming a Bond villain.
So he needs a cat. He needs to stroke it. And he needs to tell James Bond that he doesn’t expect him to talk … he expects him to die.
Fine. Cat too much? Can he at least wear an all gray Nehru jacket? Can we make sure that, on this island, he has a lair?
Basically, here is what I ask of Dana White: If you’re going to be comically evil, don’t go 80% of the way there then tap the brakes. Go all out. Shoot the moon.
It’s a total waste to acquire a freaking private island to host hand-to-hand combat and then not laugh maniacally the entire time while sending threats to blow up MI-6 or whatever. Don’t shortchange us, Dana. Lean in.
Wednesday’s Big Winner: ‘Hard Knocks’ fans
It looks like we might be getting TWO editions of Hard Knocks this offseason, with both the Rams and the Chargers featured. Honestly, at this point, even lightly dramatized preseason content would be spectacular.
Quick hits: Falcons jersey leaks, Mike Gundy, KG
– We have a possible leak of the new Atlanta Falcons jerseys. They are getting mixed reviews.
– Mike Gundy wants his unpaid football players back despite coronavirus concerns, because they need to make money for the state of Oklahoma. That’s a real thing he said.
– Kevin Garnett doesn’t want his jersey retired in Minnesota. The reason? Beef.
