It was announced today, with the news that the NFL will be expanding the playoff format for the 2020 NFL season, that some of the playoff games will air on Nickeledeon, aimed at engaging a younger audience.
That immediately touched off a number of jokes on Twitter, with football fans talking about slime and physical challenges and other aspects that are elements of the network’s staple of shows. But I turned to two experts on the channel for ideas on what a playoff game could look like on Nickeledeon.
My son Owen (eight) and my daughter Simone (six). Who better to ask than the experts?
Here is what they came up with.
SpongeBob Studio Show
Courtesy of my son Owen, who went through a massive SpongeBob Squarepants a few years ago, comes this idea: A pre-game show featuring the main characters from the long-running Nickelodeon cartoon.
Think about it for a second. The main hero SpongeBob SquarePants. Often hopelessly friendly and optimistic, an endless enthusiasm for life, that he somehow manages to keep while working as a short order cook at the Krusty Krab, keeping the denizens of Pineapple Bottom fed with Krabby Pattys. Your perfect, cheerful main host.
The two sidekicks? Of course Patrick, SpongeBob’s best friend and a starfish with a lack of intelligence that he makes up for with a similar happy and refreshing outlook on life. Squidward Tentacles rounds out the studio team, an ill-tempered octopus who also works at the Krusty Krab, but fails to share the happy view of life in Pineapple Bottom that his neighbors SpongeBob and Patrick bring on a daily basis.
SpongeBob and Patrick can provide the cheerful outlook on each team and a “best case scenario” for each team’s playoff hopes, while Squidward can bring everyone back to earth about how none of this even matters and every should just eat at Arby’s…I mean the Krusty Krab.
JoJo Siwa: Sideline Reporter Number One
Courtesy of my daughter Simone is the first choice for a sideline reporter, and it is a relatively easy one for her: JoJo Siwa. The actress, dancer and singer first became known to American families when she appeared on the reality show Dance Moms with her mother. JoJo parlayed that into a singing career, releasing songs such as “D.R.E.A.M.,” “Boomerang,” “Kid in a Candy Store” and “High-Topped Shoes” which, honestly, have been playing in my house almost endlessly for the past few years.
JoJo has also become the co-host of Lip Synch Battle Shorties, so hosting or serving as a sideline reporter would not be a huge stretch for her. Plus, her flair for fashion – complete with her trademark hair bows – would be a sight on NFL sidelines.
Victoria Justice: Sideline Reporter Number Two
In addition to JoJo Siwa, the opposite sideline could be covered by Victoria Justice. Justice is the actress who plays Tori Vega, the main character on “Victorious,” a teenage-centric show on the network. In “Victorious,” Vega attends a performing arts high school and gets into various whimsical hi-jinx along the way. The show had a short run on the network, but the musical acts live on today both on Nickelodeon and of course on YouTube, where they are often playing for hours and hours on end. Simone also suggested our second sideline reporter.
Justice also has a bit of a link to the NFL. The above photo is from the buildup to Super Bowl 50, and she was in town promoting the reboot of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. She was also spotted at Verizon’s pre-Super Bowl 50 parts.
Hey…it’s something.
They’re All Good Pups Halftime Show
Every NFL game needs a halftime show, and if we have learned anything from the success of such programs as the “Puppy Bowl,” animals draw attention and attract crowds. Both Owen and Simone endorse this next idea.
Well then, let me introduce you to the fearless first responders of Adventure Bay that you will find when you watch “Paw Patrol.” First up is Chase, the German Shepard who doubles as both a police dog and a spy. Then there is Marshall, the clumsy but beloved Dalmatian who tries his best as a fire marshall, but often stumbles into chaos. The construction pup is Rubble, a bulldog who can certainly man a bulldozer or any other kind of construction equipment. Rocky is the handyman dog of the team, a mixed breed who focuses on recycling and maintaining the equipment used by the pups. Zuma, a Labrador retriever, is the water rescue pup who is often relied on by the team to rescue the hapless seafarer Cap’n Turbot, who is always getting into trouble. The final puppy on the team is Skye, a cockapoo who is charged with the aerial rescues.
The team is led by Ryder, a 10-year old boy who relies on a handheld device to remain in constant contact with all the members of the team. Whenever there is an emergency in the town, Ryder is the first point of contact, whether from one of the citizens of Adventure Bay or even the town’s mayor. Ryder will summon the pups to their base, called the Lookout, to come up with a unified plan of rescue.
(Honestly, one has to question the fiscal wisdom of placing a town’s first responders in the hands of a 10-year old and some puppies, but I digress)
Regardless of the civic vision behind such a plan, the puppies are incredible at their work. Combining puppies with civic heroism is the kind of halftime show that both fans and the NFL can get behind.
Double Dare Challenges
Okay, I cheated here and instead of taking this final idea from my children, this one comes from my wife and I. We both grew up watching Nickelodeon as children ourselves, and any broadcast on that network has to incorporate some of the physical challenges from Double Dare, the game show that incorporated some disgusting elements along with some hard trivia questions.
Two ideas immediately come to mind. First, instead of using video evidence to determine challenges on the field, the coaches have to instead enter into a physical challenge. I’m envisioning perhaps “Pick It,” a challenge that was usually a part of the final obstacle course. In that game the contestant would have to dive inside of a massive plastic nose to try and find a flag hidden inside. The two coaches would race to find the flag hidden on their sideline, and the first coach to do so wins the challenge for their team.
Or perhaps they race on the “One-Ton Human Hamster Wheel.” First coach to fill all six numbered slots with slime wins the challenge, the coach that loses gets slimed.
Now of course, no Double Dare related aspect would be complete without someone getting slimed. So, for example, while the winning coach of each game gets a Gatorade shower, the loser gets slimed (Owen had that idea). But I think we need to extend things further, as I suggested on Twitter:
This would not be the first time that the NFL and Nickelodeon teamed up for something like this. Before Super Bowl LIII Double Dare at the Super Bowl aired on the network, with players like Odell Beckham Jr., DeAndre Hopkins, Christian McCaffrey and Russell Wilson taking part.
Listen, Commissioner Roger Goodell, my children have some solid ideas here. I know we are all hanging around with not much to do, so just give me… well, them a call and we can hammer out the details.
