Name: Icy beer.
Age: Niche for a while, now horribly mainstream.
Appearance: There’s no way to sugarcoat this, it’s beer with ice cubes in it.
I see we’re talking about people with no taste today. If by people with no taste you mean 28% of all 18-35-year-olds, then yes.
To clarify: one in four adults under the age of 35 enjoy their beer with ice cubes in it? Slightly more than one in four, yes. But only when it’s warm outside.
I have to say, this sounds like a lie. And yet there is undeniable proof of it, in the form of a survey of 2,000 people that was recently commissioned by LG.
The television manufacturing brand? That doesn’t make it any less valid. What’s more, there’s a good chance that the survey is conservative. The true number of icy beer fanatics is probably much higher.
Why is that? Because another 10% said embarrassment was holding them back from requesting ice in their beer, and another 20% said that they had previously been told off by friends, family and bar staff for requesting it.
Seriously, though, why is putting ice cubes in beer a bad thing? Because beer is already delicately flavoured enough as it is, so diluting it with melted ice risks rendering it tasteless. Plus, a lot of work went into crafting that flavour profile. Don’t just mess it all up because you like your glass to clink when you swirl it.
Where did this horrible trend originate? France, apparently. In the southern regions, it is normal to do it on a hot day.
Even though TikTok is perpetually full of American people complaining about France’s innate hatred of iced drinks? Listen, things change. People put ice cubes in beer. It’s progress.
This has to be the worst drinks trend of the year. Clearly someone hasn’t seen Materialists yet.
Oh God, why? Because that’s the film where Dakota Johnson orders a drink that’s half beer and half Coca-Cola, known as a diesel in Germany.
What is happening to the world? Calm down. People drink shandies all the time, and that’s beer and lemonade. What’s so bad about using a different fizzy drink?
I suppose that does make more sense than putting ice cubes in beer. Don’t worry, this isn’t actually going to be the future.
Why’s that? Because younger generations typically drink less than their older counterparts. And this, combined with the World Health Organization’s goal to reduce alcohol consumption by 20% per capita by 2030, means that drinking culture as we know it is on the verge of disappearing.
Oh fine, I’ll turn a blind eye this time. That’s more like it. Barman, one half-beer, half-cola slushie, please.
Do say: “I put ice cubes in my beer to stay cool.”
Don’t say: “I prefer to submerge a baked potato in mine to make it more filling.”
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