Well so finally Dave did his passionate ragerama #awesome, Mummy was like, gosh we knew Dave was gifted at charades & I will never forget him brushing his teeth in the manner of the word last Christmas, but darling the way he keeps saying bloody is SO realistic & impressive, he really should be on the stage. I’m like, well tbh thank goodness for Game of Thrones, not just the swearing, Dave is kind of channelling the Jaime Lannister redemption arc, like after Jaime has his hand cut off & he rescues Brienne from the bear pit?
But I wish I could tell Mummy that we are actually getting *slightly* whatevs about staying on? As in Dave is like, babes, is it just me, or is it just like bloody school, after sixth form you’re like, been there, done that, got the bloody T-shirt, ready for my gap year, what kind of bloody twatbasket wants another term of same-old? I’m like, well not me if we can’t ever go to Thailand, plus OMG the boredom, can’t we just quietly leave, I swear literally if I have to go to Cornwall one more time :(((
Dave is like, but how do we tell Jo Malone after she has sweetly said everyone who cares about the long-term future of pomegranate noir body wash, ie the entire bloody civilised world, ought to vote for us, that she can stick it where the sun don’t shine because I would REALLY like my bloody life back? I’m like excuse me river rafting in Myanmar is top of my bucket list if we ever get out of this place, God if I have to hear one more WORD about Europe :( He’s like, totally, plus BLOODY climate change, change the record FFS, Nancy’s like, well do not get me started on the bloody people #tragicbloodylosers.
Dave’s like, so could you bear six more months? I’m like, would it not be bad manners to leave that early? He’s like, no problemo, it is just like when you text the babysitter to call so you can leave some awful bloody dinner at 10.15, I’m like, but what excuse shall we say? He’s like, on it: Boris. I’m like, brilliant, so can you stop saying bloody now babes?
