Learning a new language is no easy task, but most of us would at least try to pick up the basics of sign language if a loved one lost their ability to communicate via speech.
But one woman on Reddit has revealed her parents are refusing to compromise and won’t give sign language a go – even though their daughter has been deaf for eight years.
The woman – who is from the US – said she was in an accident when she was 18 that caused her to lose most of her hearing and while she isn’t completely deaf, she can’t understand speech at all and has to rely on sign language to communicate.
She said: “When I was 18, I was in an accident that caused a traumatic brain injury, resulting in me losing most of my hearing in both ears, making me deaf. I didn't qualify for cochlear implants, so being deaf was just my new reality.
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“Obviously this derailed my life for a while. University got pushed back, and I was depressed for a long time. Eventually, I got back out there, discovered the deaf community, learned ASL (American sign language), and at 26 I now feel very content with my life.”
The woman said she tried to get her parents to learn ASL a few years ago but they said they “didn’t have time” to learn a new language.
Even though she gave them resources to start learning, they have “shown no interest” – and only communicate with their daughter via the voice-to-text function on their phones.
She added: “My parents were devastated by my accident and our relationship has never been the same.
“A few years ago, I told them I have embraced being deaf and I asked them if they would learn ASL, as that is now how I prefer to communicate. They said no at the time because they didn't have time to learn a new language.
“I have tried many times over the years to try to give them information on deafness and ASL, but they have shown no interest.
“We communicate now mainly by using voice-to-text on our phones, which is far from perfect, and very chaotic when multiple people are talking. Trying to keep up with conversations is exhausting, and people are constantly getting frustrated with me for not following along.”
The woman also claimed her parents refuse to turn on the captions while watching films and TV shows with their daughter because they find them “annoying”.
And after struggling to cope over the Christmas period, the woman has now told her parents she won’t be visiting them again until they “show effort” in learning sign language and stop “dismissing” her needs as a deaf person.
She wrote: “Before I went home again, I sat my parents down and told them that if they did not begin to learn ASL, I would not be visiting again for a long time. I told them I don't expect them to ever be fluent, but I need them to show effort in learning.
“I told them that they have continuously dismissed my needs as a deaf person, and that if they want to continue to have a meaningful relationship with me, we need to have some kind of shared language.
“This didn't go over well at all, as my parents accused me of wanting to cut them off, which isn't true. I just can't do any more visits where my presence feels like a burden.”
Commenters on the Reddit post were quick to reassure the woman, with many accusing her parents of being “unfair”.
One person wrote: “They are being unfair. You cannot keep accommodating them when they do nothing to accommodate you.
“You are doing the right thing. Either they will come around or they won't. Just live your life around people who appreciate you and make you happy.”
While another said: “Your parents are inconsiderate. Even if they didn't know ASL (a lot of deaf people don't), there are other ways to put forth and effort and they just refuse. It is absolutely not your responsibility to help them feel like what happened didn't happen.”
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