People say the same things when my peers and I hold our vigils for women’s safety in our city centre:
“The streets aren’t safe for both men and women.”
“Women are violent too.”
“You’re part of the problem.”
“Men can’t be blamed for women being harassed/stalked/raped/murdered/abused.”
It can be demoralising at times. But after the events that happened after a women’s vigil, I know now I’ll never lose my fire to protect women from male violence.
Reclaim These Streets Hull is a group that organises vigils in the centre of Hull City Centre. We led our second vigil last Saturday (October 16). We showed the names of around 60 women who had died at the hands of male violence collected from Counting Dead Women. We then held a two-minute silence to honour them and to shine a light on misogyny in our society.
My mum and sister, once I had said my goodbyes, walked with me to Paragon Station so I could get my bus home safely. Once in the brightly lit station, crowded with people due to a local fair taking place, we sat down opposite my bus bay and waited.
It wasn’t before long that a man who was sitting on a seat next to us interjected. “Where do you live?” he asked me. I lied and said a village on my bus route.
“Where?” I repeated myself. “No, where [in the village]?”
It had been 15 minutes since I had left the vigil on women’s safety before I was being harassed by a man. A man who thought he was entitled to know where I lived… in great detail. I refused to tell him hoping that would be an end to it.
However, for the next five minutes, he continued to ask me where I lived, specifically where in my village. Seeing my sister was uncomfortable, I made our excuses to get a cuppa from the Greggs shop slightly further up. We stood in the store for a little while when one of the staff asked if we were okay. When I explained what was happening, they called security.
My sister then said to me and my mum: “He’s just walked past the shop…” I looked but couldn’t see him.
The man then walked into the Greggs store, glancing at us as we walked to the other end of the shop. He had not only looked for us but had found us. I pointed him out to the staff members discreetly and the supervisor walked us to the bus bay. Once security came over, they waited with me until I got my bus.
So a happy ending right? Everyone was safe, nobody was harmed…
Except we were harmed psychologically. When one man decides to act on his entitlement, it starts off a chain reaction.
Not only were my mum and sister anxious walking back to their car at 7.30pm, but in their panic they had forgotten to pay their parking fees (they went back when they realised).
My partner came to collect me from a bus station halfway home. He was anxious about my safety. We decided to stay at his instead of mine to put our mental state more at ease.
And me? I was more shocked at finding out that my stalker wasn’t the only one in the station; Greggs staff had helped a lady weeks before who had become distraught over someone following and harassing her in the station.
A couple of days later I found out other vigil attendees had been sexually harassed and even assaulted just minutes after the vigil ended on their way home.
A collective of women who fear victim-blaming by police, lack of evidence on CCTV (we’ve all been there right?) and the potential of it happening again. Within half an hour, six women had been harassed by at least one man. How many were harassed in one night? In 24 hours?
So for anyone who thinks misogyny or male entitlement isn’t present in our society, please remember this story.
For those who try to put us off standing our ground, please know we’ll never stop protecting our freedom to be safe on our streets and in our homes.
