It’s 2010, and I’m about to sit my final exams at university. It seems like such a long time since I enrolled; I don’t remember life before this anymore. I do remember all of the hard work, the nights working 12-hour shifts in a taxi, the parties and the long train rides to visit my girlfriend. What am I going to do now? What will I become?
Today, though, revision and hard work will have to wait. It’s my birthday, so my parent is visiting. They want to buy me a suit, so I can pretend to be a real adult, regardless of how little I feel like one. I buy one from a high-street shop – it’s not the nicest suit, but it is mine and at the moment it’s the best suit I have ever had. I’m pretty made up about it.
The last time they came for a visit I brought my university housemate Jack with me; it was nice that he was able to meet them and see the world through my eyes. We come from rather different backgrounds. He jokes about needing an ivory back scratcher while I grew up on council estates. He was a very good friend and is now a very good man (the best suit I now own is one he gave me, thanks Jack).
Unfortunately, as I am on my own this time, my parent takes the opportunity to ask me what my plans are for after university. The conversation moves from personal plans to job plans, but the problem is I still have no idea what I want to do. (If you are a student at the moment and reading this, don’t worry, it will all pan out just fine.) We both know that I will not be moving home, I am too old to do that and realistically I’m not sure I would want to.
We take a long stroll back to my flat through the picturesque city of York and chat all the way. Bless her, my parent decided to wear some very nice heels and struggles through the entire day like a champ, even across the cobbled streets. We eventually get back to my flat, for which I imagine she was very grateful. A sudden bout of sadness comes over me; it’s time to say goodbye and get back to the revision.
I’m not sure I’m ready for this. I have to be, though, because I can’t control time. We pop up for a quick cuppa, I sign the forms that are required, and that is it; they are legally no longer my parent.
Wait, what?
It’s not a typical story. You see, the difference is that I’m a care leaver, and my parent was a county council. I’ll never forget that feeling of abandonment as long as I live.
By 2010 I had reached the age where my entitlement to a parent was revoked. I suppose I should have not been too bothered by this; I had previous experience of changes of parental responsibilities. But something about this simple act left me with a horrible feeling that has never quite left. The closest I can get to describing it is dread – pure and utter dread. What will happen if I can’t find a job? What if I can’t pay the bills? What if I lose my house? Homeless. Unemployed. Desperate.
Before that day, I was happy and felt secure. I was in a great place with amazing friends, doing something extremely positive for my life chances. In one swift move, my parent permanently removed part of that equation. In fact, to this day I would never have needed to call on that support. But not having the option at all is a very different thing.
Many are not as lucky as I was. Many don’t get the suit, many more don’t get the chance to go to university in the first place and many don’t have the support of a lovely girlfriend or a friend as good as Jack. I am lucky and I appreciate it every day.
But (almost) no parent would remove support for their child at such a particularly stressful period. Most would never remove the option for support at all. It makes me wonder why we decide to do this to some of our most vulnerable children. We set them up to fail, rather than supporting them to succeed.
- The government is working on the proposed Teaching Excellence Framework, which aims to increase social mobility for disadvantaged groups. My hope is that they do not forget care leavers, and realise that, for some, leaving university can be more daunting than going there. If you work with a young person from care who is thinking about applying for university, please show them the Propel website.
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