My partner, Liz, will be 80 on 29 March 2019, the very day we expect Brexit to kick in. We are both passionate remainers. A party or a wake is essential for that day, but it presents problems: should leaver friends be invited? Would it be PC to play Beethoven’s Ode to Joy before or after Happy Birthday to You? What type of event should it be? Should it be EU themed? Are speeches (both partisan and laudatory) acceptable? It is a huge quandary that requires speedy resolution. Help!
This could potentially be great. It could also be awfully dramatic, so I spoke to someone who deals with the most dramatic of parties – Christine Gallagher, a divorce party planner. A divorce party is a nice gesture that represents accepting the reality of Brexit, even if you are unhappy about it: “Leaving the EU is like leaving a marriage. It is sad and you wish it wasn’t that way, but you have to move on,” says Gallagher.
In which case, invite friends from both sides of the fence. You only have one 80th birthday and it would be sad for your partner not to have half of her friends there. Gallagher recommends making it a lighthearted event, giving guests two choices of food, with tables on opposite sides of the room. “The remainers can have some yummy continental food like French cheese, paella, Belgian beer and champagne, and an EU flag hanging over their table. Give the leavers a union jack and British staples like roast beef, Cornish pasties, and fish and chips.” Guests who want to stray over to the opposing camp’s table may realise they have more in common than they thought.
Remember that divided parties might clash. Let people know what they are in for on the invitation, spelling out that it’s a Brexit-themed party. Make your expectations around bickering clear. You could, for example, set a time limit for arguments and fine guests for not following the rules. You will need a way to diffuse tension, too. Gallagher suggests giving people a silly time-out section: “Build an effigy – perhaps a wall with the prime minister’s face on it – that people can throw sausage rolls at to take out their anger when it gets heated.”
Music can help move the night along, so set a playlist. Gallagher suggests songs that riff off the theme – think Should I Stay or Should I Go by the Clash, and Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles.
Also, please make sure you have asked Liz if she’s happy with the plan. It is her birthday, after all, and you don’t want to pull out a surprise that she doesn’t like on the big day. Gallagher once had a client who was oblivious to the fact that her friends were throwing her a divorce party: “It went down so badly, I decided never to agree to a surprise party again,” she says.
Gallagher’s golden rule is to never invite children to divorce parties, but this time she makes an exception: “They are being positive, trying to let go of bitterness and bad feelings around Brexit. The better question is whether children will want to be at an 80th birthday party.”
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