Trying desperately to fade into the background, my music is barely audible and I’ve unplugged the vacuum cleaner. Cold bottled water sits perched and ready in the fridge alongside a selection of brain revitalising snacks. I’m doing my bit.
Because it’s revision time, again. When the world stops and tension crackles. Yet, despite having prepared the ground work and laid on what I assume is a perfect environment for studying, my son stands up and insists he’s going to traipse five miles to the school library.
“I just want to spread my books out,” he says. Apparently time spent on the road leads to better, clearer thought. He may be right, but I’m confused. And I am not alone. It appears many parents are of the belief their A-level student is not putting the hours in.
Janet Ellis says her son “seems so easily distracted, sitting at a desk is almost meaningless”. But then of course, I speak for “Generation Parent”, whose idea of exciting distraction was to ponder which hour in the week could be best used to wipe the fluff off a stylus.
Now, instead of watching a circle of vinyl spin, there are computers, ipads and smartphones. Let’s face it, it must be hard to get your mind focused on the periodic table when an exciting virtual life sits so tantalisingly close by.
Yet if sixth formers don’t put these devices away, there’s going to be some unhappy faces come the August results. As my son leaves, it’s like he’s second guessed me. He says: “At school I can’t think about my computer. The library is like a mental cue, I’m going there to work and there’s nothing else I can do except study.”
So what’s the best advice for parents?
Nick Hewlett, headteacher at St Dunstan’s college in south London, says: “Parents have a vital role to play throughout the revision and examination period. I’m not sure that schools are equipping parents with the knowledge and skills to best support and encourage their children.
“Parental involvement should be about support, rather than control. A guiding hand and open communication over scheduling and workload will be far more effective than trying to steer directly.”
So when my son pads back in, I’m all ears. In fact I’m positively laid back. And he’s actually quite happy to go along with a regular routine. He’ll eat meals with vegetables, go out for a run and acquiesce to lights off before 2am, as long as I stop staying: “Come on now, just one more push.”
Apparently I’ve been saying that for three years, thinking I was onto something. Yet, apart from it sounding like a scene from One Born Every Minute, he stopped listening a long time ago. “Find something new to say, dad,” he says. “And just be realistic.”
Firmly in my place, I’m now sitting in his room with a clipboard, looking like I’ve come to sound out his opinion on behalf of Ipsos Mori. “If you could help me make a study plan, that would be good,” he says. I’m glad that he’s let me know how he’d like me to help.
Obviously no parent can ever make their child study, no more than a parent can make their child a great tennis player. But at least if we work out how I can help together, he feels supported, instead of irritated. We agree to limit the possible number of excuses. That means I ensure all those bits of equipment, like lined paper, pens, flashcards, folders – are in good supply.
And on the thorny question of music blaring from the bedroom, there is a half way house. Music without lyrics is less invasive. Another tick.
Other students say it’s important to break up the day. “If you wake up and think you can revise for 12 hours – well, it’s not going to happen. Go to the movies, do a bit of exercise – something that’s a reward,” says A-level student Anna Owen.
And that gets to the nub of the problem. Because the ultimate reward is obtaining the required results. So while it’s hard for parents to take the foot off the pedal with the prize tantalisingly close, perhaps sharing the controls will help.
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